


Better To Burn (Than To Fade Away)

by halfsweet



Series: Gambling With Desire [4]
Category: Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-25
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-04-17 05:02:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 30,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4653393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halfsweet/pseuds/halfsweet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A surprise visit from Patrick and a shocking news from Dallon somehow rekindle Brendon's old feelings.</p><p>"You need to be careful, Brendon. You have to remember that Patrick's married."</p><p>(Brendon's POV/side story to <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/4036837">Never Lit A Match</a>)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The timeline is set months before Never Lit A Match started, and there will be Make It Easy references everywhere.
> 
> Also, shout-out to Xay for helping me with the ideas! Thank you <3

_"Should be here somewhere…"_

_Brendon walked along the busy hallway, eyes straying from one door to another, trying to find a door labelled 'BAND ROOM'. He had signed his name to join the school band, and Brendon didn't want to be the last person to arrive on the first day of practice._

_His eyes lit up as he found the room he had been looking for. He made his way through the crowd, elbowing and pushing everyone and apologizing in the process. When he had reached the room, he pushed open the door slightly and peered inside. Huh. Empty._

_He shrugged and entered the room, closing the door gently. He looked around the room and walked over to where all the instruments were arranged neatly on one side of the room, and was marvelled by the shiny musical instruments. He could see his reflections in them._

_"Oh, hey, what are you doing here?"_

_Brendon jumped at the voice and turned around. A boy- a sophomore, Brendon presumed, stood at the door to a store room, staring questioningly at him._

_"Uh, I, uh…" Brendon stuttered in front of the other boy. He didn't want to get on someone's bad side, especially an upperclassman, on his first day as a band member. "Practice?"_

_He fidgeted under the other's gaze before he heard a faint 'oh'. He dared himself to look up and felt heat creeping up his face when a smile was directed at him. "Practice starts tomorrow, not today. Sorry."_

_Brendon stood gaping and groaned in embarrassment. He was so excited for his first practice that he got the date wrong. He heard a shuffle across the room and noticed that the other boy had gone back to the store room._

_He seemed nice enough, Brendon thought to himself. He dropped his bag on one of the chairs and stood by the store room. "So, uh, if you don't mind me asking, what are you doing here? Since there's apparently no practice today…" Brendon muttered the last part to himself, still embarrassed about the turn of event._

_A soft chuckle resounded in the room and Brendon found himself entranced by the sound._

_"I always hang out here. Sometimes during lunch too," the sophomore replied, and Brendon craned his neck to see inside. The other boy was flipping through stacks of papers. Brendon didn't know what, but he spotted musical notes._

_A wave of admiration washed over him. He couldn't believe he met someone- an upperclassman at that, who was willing to talk to him,_ a freshman _, was nice to him, played musical instrument,_ and _knew how to read musical notes._

_"So, what's your name?"_

_Brendon snapped out of his thoughts and grinned. "Brendon Urie. You can call me Brendon. Bren's fine too. What about you?"_

_The sophomore looked at him and smiled. "Patrick Stumph."_

-

One more song, Brendon reminds himself. One last song and their tour is officially over. He takes a gulp out of his bottle and walks back to his spot.

"Thank you for coming, everyone! This tour has been awesome since day one, and none of this can happen without you guys. So, this song's for you."

They start to play the final song, with the fans singing along together. The loud cheer from the fans become quiet as Brendon sings the bridge, and he grins into the microphone when the cheer picks up again.

The chorus comes next, and another voice fills the stadium. Brendon spins around and his eyes almost pop out of their sockets when he sees the person.

He laughs and turns back to the microphone. "Patrick Stump, everyone!"

Brendon throws his arm around Patrick's shoulder, and they finish the song together. He basks himself in the energy from the fans' deafening cheers and the presence next to him.

"This has been an awesome night! Thank you, everyone!"

"Patrick!" Brendon jumps on the blond man as soon as the lights go off, hugging him as tight as he can. "Patrick! Patrick! Patrick! You're here!"

Patrick grins and pats Brendon on the back. "I'm here, and I can't breathe, Bren."

Brendon immediately loosen his grip and grins at him. "Sorry. I'm just so excited you're here."

"You should thank Spencer," Patrick smiles as Spencer walks up to them, nodding in greeting. "Hey, Spence."

"Thanks for coming on short notice." Spencer gives him a one-arm hug and scowls when Brendon pulls Patrick away from him. "If I knew you're going to be this bratty, I would've gotten you nothing for your birthday."

Brendon stares at his friend in surprise. "My birthday? Hey, it's my birthday tomorrow!" He beams and pulls Spencer, engaging them in a big hug.

"Really can't breathe here, Bren."

Brendon laughs and lets Spencer go, but keeps his arms around Patrick, pulling him in for another hug. "I don't care if you can't breathe, dude, but I haven't seen you in a long time and I'm not gonna let you go anytime soon."

Brendon mouths a 'thank you' to Spencer, who gives him a smile in return. A perfect way to end their tour.

-

_"Hey, Brendon." Patrick greeted the freshman when he entered the band room. "You know we don't have practice today, right? Or the entire week for that matter."_

_"See, that's what confuses me," Brendon says and plops down on a chair, eyeing the sophomore who was doing homework. Patrick just hummed in return, not tearing his eyes away from the paper in front of him._

_"We don't have practice, but you still come here every day. Like, every_ single _day. And you even stay for extra practice." Brendon leaned forward, propping his elbow on the table._

_Patrick looked up at him and blinked. "I fail to see how that confuses you."_

_"You're already good, Patrick. You don't need extra practice. So why do you spend so much time in the band room?"_

_Brendon saw the way Patrick tensed his body, and he thought he might have crossed a line. He was about to apologize when Patrick relaxed again._

_"It calms me down, you know? Surrounding yourself with everything that you love," Patrick said quietly, and Brendon noticed the faraway look in his eyes._

_"You mean like music?" Brendon furrowed his eyebrows, not really getting Patrick's answer. Patrick shot him a smile and returned to his homework. "Yeah, sure."_

-

Brendon grins as he skips around the room, making small conversations with everyone. His birthday is just one day after their tour has ended, and Brendon is ecstatic that he gets to spend his birthday with his band, the crew and  _Patrick_.

He spots Patrick talking to Spencer, both laughing, and Brendon strides towards them, slinging his arms around their shoulders. "What are you guys talking about?"

Both Spencer and Patrick shoot each other a look and grin, leaving Brendon pouting. "Hey, no secrets around birthday boy!"

"You're not a boy anymore, Bren," Patrick smiles as he holds up a plate of a cake in front of him, and Brendon takes a pinch, eating it.

"You're fucking thirty. Get over yourself," Spencer deadpans, elbowing Brendon and stepping away from him. Brendon takes another pinch and flicks it to Spencer. "Bad boy! Go to the corner and think of what you've done."

Spencer rolls his eyes and turns to Patrick. "Your turn to take care of him. I need a break from him."

Patrick mock salutes and they watch as Spencer walks away, leaving both of them alone. Brendon pulls him into a hug immediately, arms wrapped tight around Patrick. "Thank you for coming. I really missed you," he whispers.

"Missed you too." Brendon gives one last squeeze before pulling away, smiling at the other man. "So, how've you been? Everything okay?"

"As okay as I'll ever be," Patrick smiles and has a bite of the cake, and gives the rest to Brendon. "I've been writing."

"New album?" Brendon grins, excited for Patrick's new music. Patrick hums happily and nods. "Can't wait to start recording."

"And I can't wait to hear it!" Brendon pats him on the back, and his face turns solemn. "How's Pete?"

Brendon notes the way Patrick stiffens at the name and frowns. Something happened between them.

"Pete's fine. Busy with practice and all…" Patrick trails off and shrugs.

"Are you two doing okay?" Brendon asks, keeping a close eye on Patrick's body movements. Patrick can easily lie through his teeth, but his body movements give everything away.

"We're fine, Brendon." Patrick smiles. "Hey, look, Spencer's calling us."

Brendon knits his brow together and follows Patrick. Either he has lost his touch at detecting body movements, or Patrick has gotten really good at lying.

-

_"Patrick…?" Brendon walked into the band room, dropping his bag in his seat, and headed to Patrick's seat. Patrick didn't seem to notice his presence, too engrossed in his work._

_Brendon fidgeted in his spot before moving to take a seat in front of Patrick. He frowned when he got a good look at Patrick's face- there was a split on his lip and a plaster on his temple. His body also seemed to be tensed more so than usual._

_"Patrick, hey." Brendon called him, trying to get his attention._

_"Whatever it is you're going to say, I'm fine. I just fell off the stairs."_

_Patrick's answer seemed rehearsed and Brendon frowned even more. He saw what the jocks did to Patrick. Pushing him around and beating him every day, and the worst part was that Brendon couldn't even do anything to stop them. He knew his place; he was just a freshman, the jocks were_ seniors _._

_"You need to tell the teachers, Patrick! You can't let them do-"_

_"I said I'm fine."_

_Brendon immediately snapped his mouth shut at Patrick's sharp tone. The last thing he wanted was to get Patrick angry. "Sorry," Brendon mumbled, staring down at his shoes._

_His ears perked when he heard Patrick's sigh. "I'm not mad at you, Bren," Patrick said. "Besides, if I just keep quiet, maybe they won't bother me anymore."_

_Brendon wanted to argue, wanted to tell Patrick that he's wrong. The jocks would find a way to get a reaction out of him no matter what. Brendon crossed his arms, huffing._

_"Whatever. That tall jock- Gabe, or whatever his name is, if he were a girl, he'd be the exact replica of that- that girl from Mean Girl. The blond one, but with dark hair instead. And the short one, Pete, was it? Yeah, Pete, he's the- uh," Brendon scowled, racking his brain for some words. "Okay, he didn't_ exactly _do anything. But I'm pretty sure there's a character like that in the movie."_

_Patrick laughed and slumped in his seat, clearly relaxed, and Brendon beamed. He liked it when he made the sophomore laughed. At that moment, he finally understood Patrick's words._

"It calms me down, you know? Surrounding yourself with everything that you love."

_And Brendon felt calm._

-

Brendon rolls over in his bed, finally able to catch up with his sleep after two months of touring. With a groan, he blindly reaches for his phone when it rings. "What do you want?" He mumbles into the phone.

_"It's three in the afternoon, Bren. Wake up already."_

Brendon moves the phone away from his ear and sees Patrick's name on the screen. "Exactly. It's three in the afternoon, Patrick. It's nap time."

_"You're not napping, dude. You just woke up. Anyway, come by my house later. I want to talk about something."_

"Oh, okay." He stares blankly at the wall across the room. It must be important if Patrick wants to talk about it at his house and not on the phone. "Want me to bring anything?"

There is a brief silence on the other line, and Brendon starts to worry.  _"No."_

Brendon frowns when the line goes dead. He gets out of his bed and heads straight to the bathroom, showering as fast as he can. Something's bothering Patrick, and he's going to find out what it is.

-

_He had been in school for two months and most of his friends and classmates had already gotten together with someone. Brendon wasn't going to deny being slightly jealous over it. He's getting tired of hearing how their dates went or how good they looked in that shirt._

_He dragged his foot into the band room, scowling all the way, and went straight to his seat._

_"You okay?"_

_Brendon looked up and saw the concerned look on Patrick's face. He slouched in his seat, sighing. "No," he mumbled._

_"You wanna talk about it?" Patrick asked, taking a seat in front of Brendon. "Get it off your chest."_

_"Well…" Brendon chewed on his bottom lip, pondering whether he should tell the other boy. He didn't want to be made fun of, but when he took a glance at Patrick's sincere face, he knew he could trust him._

_"Just- my friends are all dating someone and I feel… I don't know," Brendon sighed. "Left out or something."_

_"Do you feel left out because they went on dates? Or because you want to date someone too?"_

_"I don't know…" Brendon trailed off. "A little bit of both, I guess. I just want someone to like me enough that they'd want to date me, you know." He covered his face with his hands and groaned, embarrassed at having to tell Patrick about his problem._

_Brendon lowered his hands when Patrick patted his shoulder gently, an understanding smile on his face. "Yeah, I know."_

_Patrick stood up from his seat and Brendon watched him in wonder. The sophomore didn't say anything else, but Brendon could tell that Patrick understood what he said. Patrick must have gone through what Brendon had, and that sparked a curiosity in Brendon's head._

_"How do you know you like someone?" Brendon asked._

_Patrick tilted his head and pursed his lip, thinking. "You can't stop thinking about them, I guess. And you just want to put a smile on that person's face every day. And when you feel like you're having a bad day, just the thought of them can make you feel everything is right again."_

_The entire time Patrick was talking, Brendon couldn't keep his eyes off of the sophomore. There was a soft look in Patrick's eyes, and his lip quirked up in a small smile. "Yeah…" Brendon found himself agreeing._

_"So, who's the lucky girl?" Patrick turned to him, lip curled in amusement._

_"Can't a boy ask without getting asked back?" Brendon pouted as a few students entered the room, getting ready for their practice that day._

_Patrick began to laugh, and Brendon felt something tingling under his skin. He didn't know what it was, but he liked it._

-

"Hey, you okay?" Brendon asks when he arrives at Patrick's house, and after seeing Patrick's face, he frowns. "Your eyes are red."

"Yeah, I'm fine. Didn't sleep well last night," Patrick sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. "Go ahead to the music room. I'll be back with something to drink."

Brendon nods and makes his way to the music room. He has been in Patrick's house a few times to know his way around the house. He looks around the room, noticing a few new addition to Patrick's guitar collection.

His eyes roam the room for a while before they land on a few sheets of paper. Brendon picks them up and inspects them.

 _does he know the way_  
_i worship our love_  
_does he know the way_  
_that the sunshine gleams_  
_from your wedding band_

Brendon quickly puts the papers back down and goes to sit on a couch, heart beating fast. He has just read Patrick's lyrics, and the lyrics sound more personal than it should be. He feels like he's intruded upon something.

"Hey, what's up? You looked like you've seen a ghost."

"No." Brendon takes a deep breath, calming himself. "Nothing. Where's Pete?"

"Practice." Patrick places the tray he's holding on a small coffee table in front of Brendon. Brendon finds it weird that they're still practicing at this time of day, but doesn't voice his opinion out.

"So, what do you want to talk about?" Brendon stares quizzically at Patrick, who just grins in return.

"What do you feel about a collaboration?"

-

_"See you on Monday, Patrick!" Brendon grinned, waving his hand at the sophomore, and rushed out of the band room along with the rest of the band members. He couldn't wait to go home that day. His cousins were coming for the weekend and the last time Brendon had seen them was Christmas the previous year._

_He ran across the parking lot once he saw his mother's car, waiting for him. When he opened the car door, he remembered something he had left behind in the band room. He ducked his head and apologized to his mother. "Sorry, mom. I think I left something. I'll be right back."_

_He walked back to the band room, knowing that Patrick would still be there. Everyone else had already left as soon as practice ended, not willing to spend another second longer in school on a Friday._

_He opened the door and entered. "Patrick! Thank God you're still-" Brendon widened his eyes when he saw another person in the room, holding and kissing Patrick. "-here…"_

_Both Patrick and the other person quickly broke away, and Brendon stared at the person standing next to Patrick. "…with Pete…"_

_Brendon took a step back as he tried to process the information in his brain. Patrick and Pete. Patrick and Pete were_ together _._  Patrick and Pete.

_"B-Brendon, look, it- it's not-" Patrick flustered. Something snapped inside Brendon, and he gritted his teeth in anger._

_"Get away from Patrick!" Brendon snarled as he ran towards Pete, shoving him roughly. Pete, shocked at the outburst, stumbled backwards. "You bully! Get away from him!"_

_"Brendon, stop it." Patrick's soft voice rang in his ears, but he's far too lost in his fury to hear anything. Pete stepped forward-_ next to Patrick _, and Brendon shoved him again. "Get out! Stay away from Patrick!"_

_"What is your problem, kid?" Pete frowned, dusting his shirt. Brendon stepped in front of Patrick, body stiffened. He knew he's treading on a dangerous line- no freshman in their right mind would stand against a senior, but he's not going to watch Patrick getting bullied again._

_Before Brendon could open his mouth again, Patrick placed a hand on his shoulder and pushed him to the empty hallway outside. "Hey, breathe, okay?"_

_Begrudgingly, Brendon nodded and collected himself. He flicked his gaze to look at Patrick, who had a guilty look on his face. "I- I'm sorry, Brendon. But Pete is-"_

_Brendon's temper flared up again at the mention of the senior's name. "Why is_ he _in the band room? What were you doing with him? Why are you with him? Patrick, he hurt you!"_

_"Brendon… he- he's not who you think he is. He's really nice," Patrick said softly, rubbing Brendon's tensed shoulder to calm him down._

_Brendon leaned against the wall and pressed a hand on his forehead. He still couldn't wrap his head around the fact that Patrick and Pete were together. All those days when Patrick stayed for extra practice suddenly made sense to him._

_"Was that why you stayed back after practice? So you can see him?" Brendon asked quietly._

_"Yeah," Patrick said after a moment of silence, and looked at him pleadingly. "Please don't tell anyone about this."_

_"I…" The image of Pete and Patrick kissing flashed in his mind, and he pushed himself away from the wall. "I have to go. Sorry to interrupt."_

_Brendon left the scene and walked back to the parking lot, ignoring Patrick's cries of his name. He heard another distinct voice and walked faster. Everything was too much for him to handle._

_"Did you get your stuff?" His mother asked when he slid into the passenger's seat._

_"No," Brendon mumbled. "It's not important anyway."_

-

"Dallon! Hey!" Brendon greets into his phone as he shuffles along the kitchen, raiding through his fridge. "Haven't heard from you in a while. How's the club?"

_"Yeah, sorry about that. Been busy with practice. The members are all nice."_

"Yeah? You joined the same team as Pete, right? How is he?"

_"Pretty chill guy, I guess. We're not really that close though. He has his own friends, I have mine."_

Brendon downs a glass of water when Dallon speaks again.  _"You're still keeping in touch with Patrick?"_

He hums in reply. "He came to our last concert, and we celebrated my birthday. I don't know how Spencer managed to plan everything together. And I went to his house the other day."

_"Yeah, I heard. So, uh, I need to tell you something."_

"Your undying love for me?"

_"In your dreams, Urie."_

Brendon laughs and strolls to the living room, turning the TV on. "What is it that you need to tell me?"

_"You might want to find a place to sit down before I tell you."_

Just to humour him, Brendon walks over to the couch even though Dallon can't see him. "Done. So, what is it?"

_"Hold on. I'll send you a picture."_

Dallon ends the call, and not a second later, his phone beeps and Brendon clicks the message open, noticing an image attached it. When his eyes land on the image, he promptly sits down in shock, eyes wide and jaw dropped.

Dallon calls him again, and he answers. "God, Dallon…"

_"So you got the picture then."_

"Yeah…" Brendon breathes out, unable to believe what he has just seen. "Pete… Pete's cheating on Patrick?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was originally going to be a one chapter fic, but Xay and I were exchanging ideas back and forth and then we realized that it would be too long to be one chapter :/ oops
> 
> Leave some comments!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the late update. It's been a long week.

"Pete… Pete's cheating on Patrick?" Brendon asks, mouth still hanging. He wants so badly to believe that the picture was edited, but there's a cold, hard proof in his phone. Dallon may be a prankster, but he wouldn't joke this far.

_"You tell me."_

Brendon sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose, feeling a headache forming. "How long has this been going on?"

_"I don't know. I took the picture about two weeks ago."_

"And you couldn't have bothered to tell me sooner?" Brendon snaps.

_"And you think it's easy for me to tell you this? You were on your tour, for fuck's sake."_

Brendon frowns, feeling bad for snapping at Dallon. He knows Dallon is just trying to find the right time to tell him, especially with a news that big. And if Brendon has to be honest, if he were to find out about the cheating during his tour, he would probably get distracted and their shows would probably have been terrible.

_"You gonna tell Patrick about this?"_

"I- I don't know…" Brendon leans back and closes his eyes. He has an inkling that Patrick knows about Pete's affair, with the way Patrick seemed to avoid talking about Pete. And the lyrics. Brendon just knows there's something about the lyrics that seem off.

_"Well, if you decide to tell him, break it down to him gently. You know how Patrick feels about Pete."_

"Yeah, sure." Brendon ends the call, tossing his phone on the couch next to him, and yells in frustration. Now he knows how Dallon felt when he tried to tell the news.

-

_"Are you mad at me, Brendon?"_

_Brendon huffed and turned to glare at Patrick. Practice had ended, and they were the only ones left in the band room. Brendon knew he couldn't keep himself away from the sophomore. After all, he had gotten used to Patrick's constant presence in the past couple of months._

_"Do you even know what you did?" Brendon stood up and began pacing in the room. "You and Pete?_ Pete? _The jock? He's one of the bullies that beat you! Why shouldn't I be mad?"_

_His glare lessened when he saw Patrick's defeated look. He knew he's being harsh on Patrick, considering how he didn't listen to Patrick's explanation the other day. He sighed and sat next to Patrick. "Just- why him?"_

_"Sometimes you don't need a reason," Patrick mumbled. Brendon frowned and twisted his body so he could look at Patrick. "He's still one of the bullies, Patrick."_

_"He has never beaten me, Brendon." Patrick convinced him, eyes pleading. "He didn't do anything."_

_"Exactly!" Brendon exclaimed in frustration. "He didn't do anything! If he really likes you, then he should be protecting you!"_

_"Brendon…" Patrick sighed, and Brendon hated how Patrick seemed to treat him like a kid. "Do you know how bad things can get if words got out that we're a couple?"_

_"No," Brendon said petulantly, crossing his arms and scowling. He knew what would happen, but he's not going to give Patrick any satisfaction._

_"I'm really sorry, Bren." Patrick rubbed Brendon's shoulder, throwing him an apologetic look. "Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?"_

_Brendon eyed him for a while and jutted his lip outward in a pout, spreading his arms. "A giant hug."_

_Patrick laughed and wrapped his arms around Brendon, squeezing him. Brendon hugged him back just as tight, happy that they're back to how they were before._

_"Something happen that I should know about?"_

_Brendon looked up and saw Pete by the door. "Hey, I walked in on you and Patrick kissing. This is a fair trade."_

_There was a long period of silence when Pete stared at him with a blank expression, and Brendon hid behind Patrick, horrified at what he had just done. He had just talked back to a senior, the same senior that he shoved and yelled at. The senior that was Patrick's_ boyfriend _._

_Brendon felt all his worries disappeared when Patrick started to laugh next to him, and Pete entered the room, grinning. "I like you, kid. I have a feeling that we're going to be best friends."_

-

Brendon sighs as he leans against a wall, tired after having done interviews after interviews for the day. He stares at the floor, lost deep in thought. The picture that Dallon sent him days ago is still in his phone, and the image is still etched at the back of his mind.

Pete is cheating on Patrick. He'd thought that it would never happen. He knows how much in love they are with one another, but  _the photo_. He lets out a sigh and crosses his arms. He wishes that he could turn back time, so he didn't have to see the picture.  _So he didn't know that Pete is cheating on Patrick._

"You seem awfully quiet lately. Something up?" Spencers asks as he approaches Brendon, handing him a bottle of water. Brendon takes the bottle and turns it in his hand, trying to distract himself from his thoughts. "Nothing."

"Whatever that nothing is, it's bothering you," Spencer states. "You're distracted the whole day, even during the interviews. Everyone's worried about you."

"I'm fine. Just got a lot on my mind," Brendon sighs and raises his head to look at the other man. "Are we done for the day?"

Spencer eyes him for a moment before shaking his head. "Just a couple more interviews to go, but we have no shows. Why don't you go home? We'll take care of everything."

"No, I'm fine. Let's go." Brendon pushes himself against the wall and walks past Spencer. He shoots Spencer a confused look when he is pulled back by the wrist.

"Go home, Brendon. Get some rest," Spencer says gently. "I'll come by later, and we'll talk about whatever's bothering you."

"I'm fine." Brendon narrows his eyes at Spencer and yanks his hand back. "Can we go now?"

Spencer glares and pulls him to the side, making sure no one can hear them. "You're not fine. You've been distracted since this morning, and you even missed your cues to answer the questions. What the hell, Brendon?"

"Spencer, I've said it before, and I'll say it again," Brendon grits his teeth to hold himself back from lashing at his friend. Spencer is close to getting on his nerves. "I'm fine. Can we go now?"

"Not until you get your shit together," Spencer hisses. "If your head's not here, then you might as well go home."

Brendon knows he can't fight back against Spencer when he's pissed. Spencer has a way to get in his head and make him think straight again. He runs his fingers through his hair and sighs. "Sorry, Spence. I just-"

"-have a lot of thing on your mind. I get it," Spencer finishes the sentence for him. "Go home, okay? Get some rest, and we'll talk about this later. I'll tell everyone you're not feeling well."

"Thanks, man. I owe you." Brendon pats Spencer on his arm and walks away, stopping by their manager to inform him before leaving. He trusts Spencer can handle everything in his absence and prays that he himself can handle the news as well as Spencer handles their band.

-

_"Where are you going?" Brendon asked when he noticed Patrick walking out along with the rest of the band members. "Aren't you going to stay back?"_

_Patrick paused at the doorframe, stepping sideways so the others could pass through, and looked at the freshman. "I'm going to the restroom. Are you staying?"_

_Brendon looked down nervously at his shoes. He wanted to stay and see if Pete really was what Patrick claimed him to be, but at the same time he didn't want to intrude in on their privacy time. Brendon knew it was the only time where they could be together._

_He realized he took too long to answer when Patrick called his name. "Tell him I'll be back later, okay?"_

_He raised his head to look at Patrick and was met with his knowing look and smile. Brendon smiled back and sat down on his chair, relieved that Patrick understood and wasn't mad at him._

_Everyone had already left, and Brendon was the only person in the room. He took out his homework and began to work on it when he heard the door creaked open._

_"Hey, kid. Where's Patrick?"_

_"Uh, restroom. He'll be back later." Brendon shifted uncomfortably in his seat as Pete entered the room and sat on one of the empty chairs. He didn't know how to act around the dark-haired senior. Pete seemed like a cool guy the last time they met, but Brendon still couldn't shake off the fact that Pete was still one of the bullies._

_"Brendon, right?" Pete asked, breaking the awkward silence in the room. Brendon nodded and kept his eyes on his homework, afraid to say anything else. He probably got away scot-free in their last encounter because Patrick was there, but this time, Patrick wasn't, and Brendon's not taking any chance._

_"'Trick told me a lot about you."_

_Brendon bit his lip to stifle the small smile when he heard Pete's nickname for Patrick. It was a ridiculous nickname, but still charming in its own way._

_"I'm not going to do anything, you know," Pete continued. "I- I don't hit anyone. My brother, maybe, but not anyone else. Especially Patrick."_

_Brendon was surprised at Pete's confession, and he gained slight courage to face him. "I know. Patrick told me." Noticing that Pete inserted a casual tidbit in their conversation, he added as an afterthought, "right before you interrupted us."_

_Pete let out a bray of laughter, and Brendon beamed. Pete really was a cool guy. He noticed Patrick had come back, and before he could say anything, Pete launched himself on Patrick, causing both of them to stumble backwards to the floor._

_"'Trick! You're back! I miss you!"_

_"I've been gone for, like, ten minutes," Patrick rolled his eyes, and Brendon observed them quietly from his seat while they continued to banter with each other. He had never thought that Pete- the tough soccer captain, to be a clingy person._

_He covered his mouth with his hand and tried to muffle his laughter. Patrick was right. Pete was really nice, funny even, and Brendon was happy that he had made a new friend with the senior._

-

Brendon heaves himself from the couch he's been sitting on and makes a beeline to the door, where Spencer is already waiting. His eyes land on the six-pack in Spencer's hand.

"I brought beer." Spencer hands Brendon the six-pack and enters, heading straight to the living room. Brendon locks the door before following Spencer and proceeds to sit in his previous spot.

"So, what's on your mind?" Spencer asks as he tosses a can of beer to Brendon and opens one for himself.

Brendon pops the can open, taking one large gulp. "You won't believe what I'm going to say."

"Try me." Spencer arches his brow in challenge. Brendon stares at him, debating whether he should tell the news to the other man. It's a sensitive topic to both of them, seeing that both Pete and Patrick are their friends, and Brendon knows Spencer won't let the matter go until he tells him.

"Patrick," Brendon states simply, holding up his can and eyeing it, all the while ignoring Spencer's confused expression, "is being cheated on."

Spencer snorts at him. "No, seriously. What's been bothering you?"

Brendon has already expected Spencer's reaction would be just that. He takes out his phone, scrolling until he finds the picture Dallon sent to him, and hands it to Spencer.

Spencer's eyes go wide when he sees image, and he raises his head to look at Brendon in disbelief. "No way."

A shrug is all Brendon can manage. He had the same reaction when he found out about the cheating.

"This has got to be a joke," Spencer mutters, placing the phone on the coffee table between them. "Dallon is always playing pranks on people. This is one of them."

"Do you really think Dallon would joke something about this, Spence?" Brendon asks quietly. "This is serious."

"Yes, but we're talking about Pete and Patrick here." Spencer frowns. "You and I both know that Pete wouldn't cheat on him."

Brendon sighs and leans sideways so he's laying on the couch, and closes his eyes. The whole cheating thing is draining the last of his energy. "Well, Pete did. Still does, probably. Whatever. Pictures don't lie."

Neither of them say anything for a moment. Spencer is probably trying to digest the information, Brendon presumes. He places the beer in his hand onto the table and folds his arms behind his head. While it feels nice that he has finally gotten the weight out of his chest, the matter still hangs in the back of his mind.

"Does Patrick know about this?"

"No. Maybe. I don't know," Brendon mumbles.

"Are you going to tell him?" Spencer's quiet voice makes him open his eyes. He stares at the ceiling, thinking. He's been asking himself the same question for the past few days, and he still can't find the answer to the question.

Brendon turns to look at Spencer when the latter speaks again. "Well, if you decide to tell him-"

"Break it down to him gently? Yeah, Dallon told me that before," Brendon mutters.

"No."

"What then?" Brendon knits his brows in confusion. He's taken aback at the serious look on Spencer's face. He has never seen Spencer that serious before in his life. Stern, maybe. But never serious.

"If you decide to tell him, or help him get through this mess," Spencer begins, keeping his level gaze locked onto Brendon's curious one, "make sure you don't let your feelings get mixed up in this whole thing."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Class is starting this Monday, so updates will be few and far between. But I will try my best to update as soon as I can.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who has a lecturer that gives you assignments on the first week, and tells you to prepare for a presentation the next week?

"Paaaaatriiiiiick! Happy birthday!" Brendon greets into the phone loudly, dragging the vowels of Patrick's name for as long as he can. He hears Patrick's laughter over the speaker and grins.

_"Brendon! Thank you for the wish!"_

"My pleasure," Brendon grins and paces around the living room in an attempt to calm his nerves. "Are you doing anything today?"

_"Not really. Just trying to get some writing done. Only a little bit more to go."_

"What about tonight?"

_"Nothing. Spending the night at the studio again. What's up?"_

Brendon has to take a moment to compose himself at Patrick's answer. Patrick's really going to spend his birthday  _alone_  at the studio? "You… you're not celebrating with Pete?"

There's a pause at the end of the line, and Patrick's voice comes out from the speaker.  _"No. Pete's got soccer training with other teams in another state. He won't be back until next week."_

"Well then, since you're free today, get ready! I'm picking you up in," he glances at his watch and continues, "an hour, and we'll go out and celebrate your birthday!"

Patrick laughs again, and Brendon forgets about the uneasiness in his stomach.  _"Sure. See you later."_

As soon as Patrick ends the call, Brendon presses the speed dial on his phone and waits for the other person to pick up.

_"The Big D here. What can I do for you?"_

Brendon snorts at the nickname Dallon gives himself. "The Big D? Are you sure-"

_"Okay, shut up. I realized my mistake. That was a stupid nickname. What do you want?"_

"You busy training?"

_"Nah. We got a week break, so no training. Just rotting slowly in my home right now."_

Brendon furrows his brows in confusion. "You're not in another state?"

_"Why would I be in another state?"_

"Training with other teams?"

There's a silence on the phone before Dallon speaks again.  _"Are you high, Urie?"_

A frustrated sigh escapes Brendon's lip as he tries to gather his thoughts. So it was an excuse for Pete to go prancing around with his affair.

_"Wait. Did… did Pete or Patrick say something?"_

"Something like that. I don't know." Brendon really doesn't know if Pete told Patrick the lie, or Patrick came up with the lie himself to cover for Pete.

_"Have you told Patrick yet?"_

"No," Brendon answers quietly. "You know Patrick's working on his album right now. I don't want to disturb him with it."

_"You have a point, I guess. If anything happens, call me."_

"Yeah, you too."

When the call ends, Brendon makes his way to the bathroom to shower. If Pete's not going to spend the day with Patrick, then it's his loss. Brendon's going to take Patrick out on the most wonderful  _date_.

-

_Thursday. It was Thursday. There was no band practice on Thursday, and Brendon forgot about it. He groaned as he turned around from the locked band room and made his way to the music room, where Patrick was waiting for Pete to finish with his practice._

_"Hey, Bren." Patrick greeted him from his seat. "You okay? You seem a little… down."_

_Brendon sighed and plopped down on an empty chair. "There's a friend of mine…" Brendon paused, trying to form sentences in his head so that he didn't look like a fool when he said it._

_Patrick hummed as a gesture for him to continue. Brendon fiddled with his thumb before taking a deep breath, thinking_ to hell with it _. Patrick wouldn't make fun of him._

_"Sarah. She's my friend, and, uh," Brendon cleared his throat and continued, "she asked me to go to the school dance with her."_

_"Okay." Patrick nodded, looking at Brendon in confusion, not understanding the problem._

_Brendon groaned in embarrassment and covered his face with his hands. "I don't know how to dance," he lamented, voice muffled by his hand. There's a silent pause between them, and Brendon lowered his hands to take a peek at the sophomore, who was smiling at him._

_"I can teach you."_

-

Brendon rings the doorbell and waits patiently, bouncing on his heels. He still can't believe he's going to spend Patrick's birthday with the man himself. The thought of them spending time together, just the two of them, makes him jittery. He quickly straightens his back when the door opens.

"Brendon!" Patrick beams as he greets him. "Wait here, I'll go get my keys."

When Patrick heads back inside, Brendon lets out a breath he doesn't know he was holding. Patrick looks  _glowing_ , even in just a pair of plain jeans and a button-up. He wipes his sweaty hands on his pants and takes a deep breath, the butterflies in his stomach coming back full force just as Patrick returns with his usual headgear on top of his head.

"I'm done. Shall we go then?"

Brendon nods and motions to his car. "Come on. I'm going to give you the best birthday celebration  _ever_."

-

"So, where are we going?"

"You'll know when we get there." Brendon grins and laughs when Patrick huffs in annoyance. It doesn't take too much effort to rile him up, and Brendon just loves seeing Patrick irritated. It amuses him when Patrick would cross his arms and scrunch his nose in irritation. Just like a little kid. 

"Are you sure you're not kidnapping me? Selling me to the black market or something? Harvesting my organs?"

"Patrick, please," Brendon tuts as he turns his car around a corner. "Do you really think I'm capable of doing that?"

"Well…" Patrick trails off and lets out a small yelp as Brendon jabs him on the arm. "Shut up. You're mean. No birthday present for the birthday boy."

"Mean? What are you, five?" Patrick scoffs, but Brendon detects the amused tone in his voice. Just as Brendon opens his mouth to retort something back, Patrick's phone buzzes with an incoming text message.

From the corner of Brendon's eyes, he can see Patrick's previous playful expression changes into something unreadable. All traces of emotions are wiped off of Patrick's face when he reads the text message, and Brendon has a clue as to who sent the message.

"What is it?" Brendon asks nonchalantly.

"Nothing," Patrick replies as he types something in his phone before pocketing it.

"Doesn't seem like nothing," Brendon mutters under his breath. "Pete wished you yet?"

Patrick only hums in response. "So, what are the plans for today?"

Brendon notices how Patrick avoids answering his question, but he just lets it pass. He doesn't want to make Patrick upset on his birthday.

"First, we get you a birthday present." Brendon tilts his head to look at Patrick and grins at the older man's surprised look. "Then, a long drive to somewhere special."

-

They arrive at a music store about half an hour later, and Brendon personally likes the music store. It has a vast array of musical instruments to choose from, and it also has a nice atmosphere to it. 

"Your birthday present," Brendon begins, twisting his body to look at Patrick, who is ogling at the instruments around him, "is anything you want from here. I'll buy you anything."

Patrick turns to look at him in disbelief. "W-What?"

"That's my present to you, Patrick Stump." Brendon grins, enjoying the look on Patrick's face. "Anything you want. Go ahead. Pick anything you want."

"Brendon, you don't have to-"

" _Patrick._ " Brendon frowns at him, "it's your birthday. And I'm buying you a present."

Brendon gives him a look, which leaves Patrick with no room to argue. "O- okay. If you're sure."

"I am," Brendon stresses, pushing Patrick further inside the store. "Now, less talking, more choosing."

Patrick begins to stroll around the store, eyeing each instruments and testing their sounds. Brendon follows next to him, testing out some instruments with Patrick when requested by the older man. He feels his phone vibrating in the pocket of his jeans and takes it out, noticing a message from his friend.

_From: Spencer_  
_13:26:15_  
_Where are you? I can't get through_

Just as he's about to type in his reply, he notices the signal on his phone.  _Empty._

"Hey, can I borrow your phone for a while?" Brendon asks Patrick, rubbing the back of his neck. "Spence texted me, and I can't get any signal."

"Sure." Brendon thanks him after Patrick gives him his phone and begins to type out a reply while Patrick has moved on to a different part of the store.

_To: Spencer_  
_13:27:05_  
_Hey, it's Brendon. Can't get a signal on my phone. I'm out celebrating Patrick's birthday_

A few seconds after he has sent the message, Patrick's phone rings and Brendon sees Spencer's name on the screen. "Hey, Spence. What's up?"

_"You're celebrating Patrick's birthday, and you didn't invite me? And to think I invited Patrick for your birthday. Is this how you repay me? Some friend you are."_

Brendon looks around for Patrick, making sure he's out of earshot, and clears his throat. "It's, uh, I- I didn't invite anyone."

_"You what?"_

"I didn't invite anyone." Brendon closes his eyes and braces himself for one of Spencer's wrath.

_"Brendon?"_

"Yeah?"

 _"Are you telling me that you're taking Patrick out on a_ date _?"_

"No…?" Brendon answers, more unsure than anything. He hears Spencer's exasperated sigh over the phone and immediately feels bad. "L- look, Spence, if it makes you feel any better, he doesn't know it's a date, okay?"

_"How, pray tell, is that supposed to make me feel better? Regardless if he knows it or not, you still took him out on a date. You're taking a married man out on a date. A married man, Brendon."_

"I know-"

_"And yet you still do it."_

Brendon takes a deep breath. Spencer is being too serious about this matter. "Look, he's about to spend his birthday alone. Pete's somewhere with his boytoy. Am I supposed to let Patrick be miserable on his birthday?"

_"Well, no-"_

"Then it's settled. Bye, Spence. See you soon." Brendon hangs up quickly and lets out a sigh. He already knows what he's doing is wrong, and he doesn't need Spencer to make him feel any more guilty than he already does.

The phone vibrates in his hand and he turns it on, seeing a text from Pete.

_From: Pete_  
_13:30:11_  
_good. see u when i get back. take care_

Brendon frowns at the message, then he sees two messages on top of it.

_From: Pete_  
_12:15:30_  
_happy birthday_

_To: Pete_  
_12:16:00_  
_Thanks. How was training? I miss you._

Brendon bristles as he reads Pete's messages. Looking at the time of the message, it seemed that Patrick received the message while they were in his car. It confirms Brendon's previous guess; Pete was the one who sent Patrick the text.

He can't believe Pete wished Patrick over a  _text message_. And it's not even a long-winded love poem that he always does. It's just a simple ' _happy birthday_ ' and it's not even capitalized correctly.

And ' _take care_ '? Patrick sent him an ' _I miss you_ ', and all he replied was a ' _take care_ '? Brendon clenches his jaw in fury and exits the application, walking over to where Patrick is and handing the phone back to him. If Brendon feels guilty for trying to take Patrick out on a date, then he's not feeling the slightest bit guilty now.

"You okay, Bren?"

Brendon's heart calms down at the sound of Patrick's voice, and he puts on a smile. "Yeah, I'm okay. Found anything you like?"

Patrick shoots him a nervous glance, biting his lower lip. "A-are you sure, Bren? You really don't have to get me anything."

"I want to, okay?" Brendon pats him on the shoulder, giving him a comforting smile. "Besides, you flew to my concert to celebrate my birthday."

He sees the uncertainty in Patrick's eyes and continues to soothe him. "So, which one do you like?"

Patrick looks hesitant, but Brendon just smiles at him, and he notes that Patrick seems to give up at arguing with him.

"Well, if you insist…" Patrick smiles back and walks to where a guitar is hanging on the wall, along with a few others. "I like this one," he says quietly, still unsure of Brendon's offer.

Brendon looks at the said guitar and nods. "I like it too." He turns to call the owner and points to the guitar. "We'd like to see that one."

The owner comes and, upon finding two artists in his shop, gapes at them before quickly snapping into reality. "R-right away, Mr Urie!"

He gets the guitar down and gives it to Brendon, who in turn, passes it to Patrick. While Patrick tests the guitar, Brendon admires him from where he stands. He can never get tired of seeing Patrick with a guitar. Patrick looks so…  _serene_  whenever he's playing an instrument.

He notices Patrick staring at him expectantly, and he grins at Patrick. "You like it?"

Patrick nods shyly, and Brendon has to refrain himself from laughing at Patrick. Patrick is obviously never going to get used to receive gifts or presents.

Brendon turns to the owner and nods at him. "We'll take this one, and a case for it."

The owner takes the guitar carefully from Patrick, and they head to the counter in front. The owner places the guitar in its case, and starts to write the bill and the receipt. Brendon takes out his credit card and hands it to the owner.

He sees Patrick's face blanched at the price, and he already knows what Patrick is going to say. Before Patrick can open his mouth, Brendon cuts him off. "It's  _fine_ , Patrick. Don't worry about it too much. It's your birthday."

"I know, but-"

"No buts," Brendon states firmly, pointing his finger at Patrick. "Not another word from you, Mister."

"Brendon…" Patrick sighs. "Thank you."

"I suppose the guitar is for Mr Stump?" The owner asks, earning a nod from Brendon. He gives the case with the guitar inside to Patrick and smiles. "Happy birthday to you. Hope you're having a good time."

"I am." Patrick smiles and thanks him. Brendon, too, thanks the owner after taking his credit card back.

"Ready for the long drive?"

-

_"Hey, I know this song!" Brendon exclaimed when the room was filled with a smooth piano sound from the speakers. "Canon in D! It's Canon in D, right?"_

_"You know your classical well," Patrick praised and bowed before him. "Shall we begin, then?"_

_Brendon nodded and looked at Patrick eagerly. "How do we do this?"_

_He watched as Patrick held his hand and put it on his back, then placed his own hand on Brendon's shoulder, and finally gently grasping their free hands together, bringing them to their shoulder level._

_"Just remember to keep your hand on her back," Patrick advised him and started to sway them back and forth to the melody being played in the room._

_Brendon looked down at their feet, trying to follow and memorize Patrick's steps._ Forward, left, right, sideways, left, right, back, left, right…

_"Eyes up."_

_"Uh, right." Brendon flicked his gaze back to Patrick and flushed when the latter smiled at him. He bit his lip when he accidentally stepped on Patrick's shoe. "S- sorry."_

_"Don't worry about it," Patrick said. "Try sliding your feet. That way you don't have to worry about stepping on her foot."_

_Brendon nodded once again, this time almost getting the steps right. He took a glance at their feet and shot Patrick a confused look when the dancing was slowed down._

_"Your turn to lead," Patrick urged him. Brendon began to lead their dance, picking up their previous pace. Feeling more confident, he spun Patrick around and beamed when Patrick laughed his approval. "You're doing really great! Fast learner, aren't you?"_

_"I have the best teacher," Brendon grinned, and they continued to dance around the room. Patrick was still smiling at him, pride and satisfaction glinting in his eyes, and Brendon felt giddy, stomach flipping. It's a strange and foreign feeling for him, but Brendon liked it._

-

Brendon pulls up at the parking lot and turns off the engine, and looks at Patrick. "We're here."

Patrick blinks as he gets out of the car and takes in his surrounding. The parking lot is empty at this time of night, and it's a little too dark for Patrick to see clearly. He sees a familiar building in front of him and his eyes go wide, gaping.

"Brendon…"

Brendon, already out of his car, locks his car and stands next to Patrick, smiling at the building in front of them. "Yeah. Our old school."

"This is amazing," Patrick breathes out, still staring with wide eyes at the building. "I missed this place so much."

"Come on." Brendon pushes him lightly and leads them to the back of the school.

Patrick, blinking, follows Brendon closely behind. "Where are we going?"

Brendon turns around and gives Patrick a cheeky grin.  _"We're sneaking in."_

"Wait, what?" Patrick frowns, but Brendon pays no heed to him and just drags him along. "Brendon!"

Brendon places a finger on his mouth and shushes the other man, whispering, "Are you trying to get us caught?"

"We are  _not_  sneaking in!" Patrick hisses, glaring at Brendon. "If anything,  _you're_  the one trying to get us caught by breaking in. I don't want to go to jail, Brendon!"

Brendon lets out a choked laughter as he tries to pick open the back door, which proves to be a slight difficult task for him since his hands are shaking from laughter. "We're not going to jail, Patrick. Well, unless we get caught, but we have lawyers and shit. So, don't worry about it."

"If I'm going down, you're going down with me."

Brendon laughs again and lets out a loud whoop as the door unlocks. He stands up straight and holds the door open. "Come on in," Brendon grins at Patrick's defiant face.

Patrick gives Brendon a suspicious look before finally relenting to him. He sighs in defeat and walks past Brendon to enter. "Oh, God. I'm going to jail on my birthday."

Brendon closes the door behind him and walks next to Patrick, both of them strolling along the dark hallway. A wave of nostalgia washes over Brendon as he remembers their memories together in school.

He walks in front of Patrick when he sees a familiar door, and he pushes the door open after finding it unlocked. "They should really lock the door."

He steps aside as Patrick enters the room and looks around in amazement. Brendon pats Patrick's shoulder and does the same. "Nothing's changed, huh?"

Patrick nods mutely and walks to the back of the room where all the instruments are arranged nicely. Brendon watches as Patrick touches the instruments gently with his hands and smiles. Brendon has always admired how Patrick treats any musical instruments with care.

"Remember when we first met?" Brendon asks, breaking the silence in the room. He hears a small chuckle from Patrick, and he is instanly reminded of the time when he was first mesmerized by Patrick. Patrick was the first person- the first  _upperclassman_  to talk to him nicely and willingly.

"You thought we had practice that day," Patrick smirks at him. "Excited on your first day of practice, huh?"

"I was a freshman!" Brendon retorts, looking indignant and crossing his arms. "I didn't know any better."

Patrick huffs in amusement as he continues to walk around the room. "Yeah, sure."

"Come on. I wanna bring you to someplace else."

Patrick gives the room one last look before heading out with Brendon, following wherever Brendon's taking him. Brendon feels butterflies in his stomach when he realizes they're alone. What makes his heart flutter even more is the fact that their strides match each other, and they're so close,  _so close_  that Brendon can just link their fingers together, never letting go.

They stop by a room and Brendon crouches down to pick it open, trying his best to ignore how Patrick's warm breath tickles the back of his neck.

"Music room."

Brendon hums in affirmation and opens the door. "Music room."

"The room seems bigger. I think they renovate it a few years back," Patrick says, walking to the center of the room.

Brendon walks to the piano and proceeds to take a seat on the piano bench, then pats the empty space next to him for Patrick to sit. He lifts the piano cover and presses a key, a soft sound echoing in the empty room.

He takes a deep breath and starts playing a piece he knows by heart. He smiles as another pair of hands joins his on the piano.

"You know your classical well," Patrick comments, and Brendon cocks his head to the side to smirk at the older man. "I learn from the best."

A familiar, tender warmth blossoms in Brendon's chest as Patrick laughs freely next to him. In the midst of Patrick's marriage crisis, Brendon is happy that he can make the other man laugh again. Even though Patrick doesn't say anything, Brendon knows Patrick is miserable.

Brendon notices the puffiness and the red rimming in Patrick's eyes, the eyebags, and how Patrick seems to be tired all the time. Even through phone calls, Brendon can tell just how tired Patrick is from his voice.

They continue to play, only the sound of the piano accompanying them in the silent room. Brendon is all too aware of the heat radiating from Patrick, of how their shoulders and thighs are almost brushing against one another with each movement, and how their hands are so close to each other on the piano keys. Brendon pushes down the desire to just grab Patrick's hand next to his and interlace their fingers together.

He tilts his head back to glance at the other man and is enchanted at the sight in front of him. The streetlight from the outside provides just enough light to cast a faint glow on Patrick. Brendon continues to stare at Patrick, memorizing each detail of his profile.

Patrick turns his head to the other side, and Brendon can see the veins popping on his neck. Brendon would do anything just to touch it, trace it with his fingers and his mouth, kiss it, nibble it, leave a mark on it. He swallows at the thought and directs his attention back to the piano in front of him.

The piece soon comes to a stop, and Brendon stands up and browses for a CD in a rack he found in the room. When he has found the one he's looking for, he turns on the music player in the room and puts the CD into the drive, keeping the volume low.

He turns to Patrick as the song begins to play and bows, holding out his hand. "May I have this dance?"

Patrick grins and takes Brendon's hand in his. "Yes, you may."

The night couldn't have been more perfect in Brendon's opinion. He's spending the whole day with Patrick, sneaking into their old school, playing piano together, and now they're dancing with each other. Patrick seems to be having fun as well, and Brendon's proud that he's the reason for it.

"You're pretty good at dancing, aren't you?"

Brendon smirks at the playful tone in Patrick's voice and dips him, earning him a squeak in return. "I have the best teacher."

-

_They continued to dance, even with Pete in the room. Brendon was surprised that Pete didn't look bothered about it, instead he talked about his day like usual. Complaining, more like it._

_"I remember when I went to a dance as a freshman," Pete sighed, reminiscing his memories._

_"Bet you ditched halfway through," Patrick rolled his eyes. Pete grinned, leaning back on his seat and crossing his arms behind his head. "I ditched halfway through."_

_Brendon watched in amazement as they continued to banter back and forth. He had never seen a couple acted the way Pete and Patrick did, not even his friends. They looked so_ natural _._

_"I've never been to a dance before."_

_Brendon snapped out of his thoughts and stared at Patrick in surprise. Pete, too, was surprised at Patrick's confession. "Never? Really? What about middle school? Freshman year?"_

_"I didn't go," Patrick admitted sheepishly, eyes downcast. Brendon spotted the pink flush on his cheeks, and he couldn't help but thought how cute Patrick looked at the moment._

_"You said you went to the dance!" Pete accused him, pointing his finger to Patrick. "Was your pants on fire, 'Trick? 'Cause you lied."_

_Patrick scowled and glared at Pete. "If I said I didn't go, you would have sneaked into my room."_

_"Oh my God. Did you hear that, Brendon?" Pete placed a hand on his chest and pretended to be in pain. "Even before we started dating, he didn't want to see me."_

_Brendon laughed at their exchange and turned to Patrick. "If you didn't go to the dance, how did you get so good at dancing?"_

_Patrick smiled as Brendon spun him around again. "When I was little, I used to dance with my mom and my sister when we're cleaning the house. They're the ones who taught me how to dance."_

_He cooed when Patrick finished his story. He could imagine little Patrick dancing around the house, standing on a sofa so he was at the same height as his mother._

_"So you've never danced with anyone outside your family?" Pete asked. Brendon found himself asking the same question to Patrick._

_Patrick pursed his lip, as if thinking, and looked at Brendon with a wide smile. "Looks like you're my first."_

_"Hey, that's not fair!" Pete argued._

_"Oh, please-"_

_The rest of their conversation went unheard by Brendon. He was still staring at Patrick, butterflies fluttering in his stomach. He was Patrick's first dance. Patrick's first dance was with_ him _. Brendon had never felt so proud before._

-

Brendon sighs as he parks his car in the driveway of Patrick's house. He doesn't want the night to end, even though it's already way past midnight. He gets out of the car and helps to carry the guitar he bought for Patrick, and walks Patrick to the door.

Brendon places the guitar down on the ground gently, letting it lean against the wall as he waits for Patrick to take out his keys and unlock the front door. When Patrick's done, he turns to Brendon.

Brendon pulls him into a hug, smiling to himself when he feels Patrick's arms around him. "Happy birthday, Patrick," he whispers and moves back to look at the other man.

"Thank you, Brendon." Patrick looks up at him, smiling. "It's been a great day, and I really missed our school. Thanks for bringing me there."

Brendon wants to say that he would bring Patrick anywhere in the world, but he just grins and says, "It's not a problem. I missed school too."

"Well, thanks again, for the day. And for the guitar," Patrick smiles sheepishly as he holds the guitar up. "I'll see you soon, Brendon. Drive safe."

Brendon watches as the other man enters the house and closes the door gently behind him. He sighs softly and thumps his forehead against the door before sauntering back to his car. If Patrick weren't married to Pete, Brendon would have kissed him right then and there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I personally like Canon in D, and I think it fits right in this chapter. The piece is light-hearted and so, _so_ innocent. Just like freshman!Brendon.
> 
> Hope you enjoy this chapter. Leave some comments!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh I'm so sorry for neglecting this!

Brendon lets out a frustrated groan when his phone rings. He doesn't have anything that day, and he plans to just sleep and laze around since he slept late last night. Not that he's complaining about last night. After he dropped Patrick off at his house, he couldn't sleep from feeling high and excited. He's still in disbelief that he got to spend every second with Patrick. _On Patrick's birthday._

"You better have one fucking good reason for waking me up on my fucking day off, fucker." He grumbles into the receiver, not looking at the name displayed on the screen. His brain-to-mouth filter is still asleep, but Brendon couldn't care any less. They deserve that for waking him up.

_"You and Patrick."_

He rolls over on his back and throws an arm across his eyes. "Don't fuck with me, Smith. What is it?"

_"I'm serious, Brendon. News about you and Patrick going out yesterday are all over the internet."_

His heart thumps as he sits up slowly on the bed, a serious expression now on his face. "What?"

_"Yeah. My twitter's flooding with everyone asking 'is it true? Are they dating?' and tagging us to a blog."_

"Send me the link." Brendon says tersely and hangs up. His phone buzzes a few seconds later with a link from Spencer. He clicks it open, waiting for the site to load.

It's an infamous gossip website- Brendon read it once or twice before- and if he has to be honest, the most _stupid_ website ever existed. He can't believe how people would eat up every single word on the blog without even checking if it's true or not.

The big, bolded header catches his attention, and he begins to read the post.

**_Patrick Stump Getting Cozy With Fellow Musician Brendon Urie?_ **

_The picture shown above was taken just last night on the front door of the Stump-Wentz's mansion. Stump and Urie were seen cuddling with each other._

_Of course, let's not forget that yesterday was our dearest Patrick Stump's birthday. As we all know, the soccer team is having a break from practice, so that in itself raises a very obvious question._

_Why didn't Patrick Stump spend his special day with his beloved?_

_Unless… there really is something going on between these two musicians._

Brendon scowls at what the entry states and glances at the picture attached above. _Cuddling_. In what universe does _hugging_ equal to _cuddling_? Okay, maybe Brendon was lingering a little during the hug, but he knows the fine line between a hug and a cuddle.

_A little late night rendezvous, eh, Sneaky Stump?_

The caption is enough to set a snort out of Brendon. Seriously. The most stupid blog ever. He feels sorry for those who believe everything on the blog.

Still…

That _is_ a nice shot of them. The lighting is just right, even though it's slightly grainy. He clicks on the picture to enlarge it.

A small part of him wants to save the picture, keep it as a reminder of the happiest day of his life. But if he saved the picture, would people find out about it? And if they do, how is he going to explain it to everyone?

He throws himself back on his bed, mind still on the picture. He should've listened to Spencer from the beginning.

He can feel it; the feelings that took him _years_ to suppress have now resurfaced, taking over him. And as he looks at the picture once again, he knows he won't be able to control his feelings as well as he did last time.

-

_"Patrick! Patrick!" Brendon grinned as he came running into the band room. "Patrick!"_

_Patrick looked up from his homework, raising an eyebrow in amusement. "Someone's excited. Did something happen?"_

_"Patrick!" Brendon cried out his name once again, a wide grin on his face. He loved saying the sophomore's name. It sounded so nice rolling off his tongue. He made it his mission to say Patrick's name as much as he could in any conversations he had, and he's pretty sure his friends were getting tired listening to him. Brendon didn't take offence to it- his friends just didn't understand the_ happiness _that was Patrick._

_Brendon flopped down next to him, panting. "Let's have lunch at the cafeteria tomorrow."_

_"Why?"_

_"Well…" Brendon flushed, fiddling with his thumbs and looking at his lap. He wasn't expecting for Patrick to ask him_ why _. He had already assumed that Patrick would just say yes straight away._

_How was he supposed to tell Patrick that he missed spending time with him? Whenever they had the chance to, Pete was almost always there with them. He missed it being just the two of them. The ten minutes before practice and the five-minute break weren't enough for him. He had to kiss the after practice goodbye ever since he found out that Patrick had been dating Pete, and that Pete would spend that time with Patrick._

_And Brendon_ might _be the slightest bit jealous. Just a bit._

 _"_ Please? _" Brendon batted his lashes, clasping his hands in front of his chest. "Please, Patrick? Please? I heard they're having pizza tomorrow. Please?"_

_"Don't you usually eat with your friends?" Patrick tilted his head in confusion._

_If there's one thing Brendon learned from having growing up with attention-seeking siblings, it's that when all else fails, whine. Whine until someone gives you what you want._ "Pleaseeeee?"

_He's being a brat, but whatever got him Patrick._

_"You're being awfully weird today." Patrick glanced at him, chuckling. "But okay. See you at lunch tomorrow, I guess."_

_Unable to contain his giddiness, Brendon threw his arms around Patrick, crushing him in a bear hug. "You're the best person ever!"_

_When he pulled away, he tried not to think how soft and how right Patrick felt in his arms._

-

"Patrick! Did you wait long?" Brendon enters the recording room and takes off his jacket, tossing it on a couch nearby and standing next to Patrick, who has a focused look on his face by the workstation.

"Spent the night here." Patrick mumbles, moving one headphone off his ear, eyes still concentrated on the monitor.

"Can't wait to record with me, huh?" Brendon teases, poking Patrick repeatedly on the shoulder. When Patrick doesn't give any response, Brendon lets out a sigh and moves to sit on the couch. Everyone knows better than to disturb Patrick when he's working.

"You can go through the lyrics first." Patrick tells him and gestures to a pile of papers on the table. "I just need to do a couple of things."

Brendon goes to grab the lyrics, but his eyes are locked on Patrick's back the entire time. Rigid posture, tight voice. Spending the whole night in the studio. Something definitely happened.

He wants so badly to pull Patrick around and ask him what's wrong. But even if he did, Patrick would just brush him off, saying that everything's fine. And Brendon still doesn't know how to tell Patrick about Pete.

"Hey, sorry." Patrick apologizes as he walks over to sit next to Brendon. "Read the lyrics yet?"

Brendon's face turns red when he realizes he'd zoned out. "Are you going to be mad if I say no?"

"Are you going to focus if I show you how the song goes?" Patrick shoots him a playful look before reaching forward to get the lyrics from him. Heat creeps up his neck and face when their hands brushed together, and Brendon quickly turns his head away before Patrick can see his red face.

"Okay, so, you're going to sing this part here-" Patrick points to a verse, which Brendon figures is the pre-chorus, "-and it goes like this."

_"Permanent jetlag_  
_Please take me back_  
_I'm stray dog sick_  
_Please let me in_  
_When Mad Key's tripping_  
_Singing vows before we exchange smoke rings"_

Brendon bounces his leg to the rhythm Patrick sang, and then sings the part back to him. Butterflies flutter in his stomach at the look Patrick is giving him.

It's the same look that Patrick had when they first danced together.

"That's great!" Patrick beams, smiling wide. "So, that's the pre-chorus. And here's the chorus. We're going to sing this part together."

_"Give me a pen_  
_Call me Mr Benzedrine_  
_But don't let the doctor in_  
_I wanna blow off steam and_  
_Call me Mr Benzedrine_  
_But don't let the doctor in"_

"Did you get it?" Patrick asks, looking at him. Brendon hums the melody under his breath before nodding. "I think so. Let's try it together."

Patrick sings first, and Brendon follows on the second line. His skin tingles at the way their voices mold together so perfectly. His fans have told him how much their voices sound alike. Brendon didn't believe it at first, because _no one_ can compare to Patrick, but as they sing together, he starts to believe it.

"Let's sing from the beginning. Then, maybe we can start recording?" Brendon suggests, taking the guitar next to him and handing it to Patrick. His chest warms with affection when he realizes that the guitar is the very same guitar he bought for Patrick on his birthday last week.

Patrick must have noticed the goofy smile on his face, because he's grinning bashfully, playing with the strings on the guitar idly. "I really like the guitar, by the way."

Brendon can't keep the smile off of his face the entire time they sing while Patrick plays the guitar.

-

_"Patrick!" His face lit up when the sophomore entered the cafeteria and sat down in front of him. "I got you a piece!"_

_The sophomore smiled as he took the pizza, bringing it to his mouth, and began to chat with him. Brendon was thrilled that he got to spend lunch with Patrick. Usually he would eat lunch with his friends, but sometimes his friends preferred spending the time at the library._

_His friends were such nerds._

_And Brendon knew that Patrick would stay in the band room, doing his homework or looking through musical scores until the bell rang. Of course he'd like it much better if they had lunch together in the band room, but his class after lunch was on the other side of the building._

_Brendon looked up from his lunch to see a rosy blush across Patrick's cheeks, and he turned around to see Pete grinning at them. His mouth curled into a pout, and he began picking at his food. Even during lunch, Brendon still couldn't have Patrick's attention all to himself._

_"Fagtrick Stumph! You should watch what you eat. Don't want to get your fat ass fatter now, do we?"_

_His shoulders tensed at the voice._ Please let that not be Gabe. Please let that not be Gabe.

_"So, anyway-"_

_Brendon couldn't believe how Patrick could still casually talk when_ Gabe _was standing near them. He was scared shitless by the senior's presence. His heart raced wildly when Gabe slammed his hands down on their table, bringing everyone's attention to them._

_He glanced up at Patrick, scared, but Patrick gave him a reassuring smile in return. His pulse slowed down a little, awed at how Patrick managed to stay calm and comfort him at the same time in this kind of situation._

_"Listen here, you twerp." Gabe hissed as he gripped Patrick's jaw, turning his head. "I've had enough of you thinking you're so big and mighty. You're going to learn your place right here, right now."_

_His pulse spiked up again at the alarmed look in Patrick's eyes. If Patrick's scared, then Brendon's_ terrified _._

_"Oh, I see what's going on here. Is that why you always cover for him? He's your new plaything?"_

_Brendon didn't understand what Gabe meant until he saw Gabe smirk at Pete, and he peeked to look at the other senior as well. Pete had his fists clenched by his side, glaring at Gabe._

_"Oh my God, he is, isn't he?" Gabe whistled, directing his attention back to Patrick. "Didn't think you're a fag. Then again, you kinda look like one. Tell me, have you slept with Pete yet? Lost your ass cherry yet?"_

_"You fucked him yet, Pete? Was he good? Are you a good little boy?"_

_He squeezed his eyes shut when he heard the hurtful words Gabe threw to Patrick. He wanted to stand up, wanted to push Gabe away and give him a piece of his mind like he did to Pete, but his feet were frozen in place, and he couldn't bring himself to move._

_His blood ran cold at the tears in Patrick's eyes. He could literally feel his heart ache, and he silently berated himself for not being brave enough to defend Patrick._

_"Pete…" Patrick's voice broke his heart. He waited for Pete to stop Gabe from harassing them, to save them,_ to save Patrick _, but none of those happened._

_"That's Captain Wentz to you, faggot."_

-

"We did it!" Brendon cheers, pumping his fist in the air as he throws an arm around Patrick's shoulder, pulling him into a hug. "We did it! We recorded your song!"

Patrick laughs along and pats Brendon on the back. "Couldn't have done it without you."

They sit together by the workbench, listening to the playback. His fans were right; their voices are almost non-distinguishable. He leans back in his chair and stretches his legs, nudging Patrick on the calf with his foot. Patrick scoffs, kicking his legs in retaliation, and soon they start playing a competitive game of kicking.

Brendon feels carefree, light, content. He wants to feel like that all the time, and he only ever feels it whenever Patrick is around. Maybe it's unhealthy on his part, but the _calmness_ that Patrick radiates with just his presence is all he ever needed.

Patrick's phone rings in the room, effectively stopping their little game. "I gotta take this for a while. You can listen to the songs I've finished if you like. Be right back."

Before Brendon can say anything, Patrick has already stood up and left the room. Figuring that it's probably business-related, he places the headphones over his ears and chooses one random track from the monitor.

He relaxes and closes his eyes, letting the music take over him. Hie head bops to the rhythm. The use of horns catches his attention, although, what comes next is even more attention-catching.

He had read a part of the lyrics to it before when he was at Patrick's. _This_ is the song that, in Brendon's opinion, sounds a little too personal. It's about Pete without a doubt, Brendon's sure of it.

When the bridge part comes, he shivers at Patrick's voice flowing from the headphones and straight into his ears. His voice sounds raw with emotion, strong and intense.

The hairs on his arms and the back of his neck still rise even when the song has ended. He sets aside the headphones and sighs. "Your husband _does_ know."

Patrick returns not too long after with slumped shoulders, heel of the palm pressed against his eyes. Brendon stiffens in his seat, jaw clenched tight. _Pete._

He can't take it any longer. He's not going to stand around and watch Patrick be miserable for even just a second. "Patrick, you know we've been friends for a long time, right?"

The older man looks at him in surprise, mouth hanging open slightly. "Yeah. Is something wrong, Brendon?"

"You know I can tell if you're having problems or not, right?"

"Brendon." Patrick's voice is tight, as if begging for Brendon to stop. "Bren, I'm fine. I don't have any problems."

Brendon stands his ground, maintaining a calm and collected look. He almost feels bad for pushing Patrick to a corner when he's already upset, but he knows Patrick won't cave in unless he's under pressure. And he's only doing it in hopes that Patrick will open up to him, then, he can help lift some of Patrick's burden. "Patrick-"

"Don't you trust me, Brendon?"

The corner of Brendon's mouth turns downwards. "You know I do. Do _you_ trust me?"

Patrick seems taken aback by his sentence, and Brendon wishes he can take his words back. He doesn't like seeing Patrick like this.

"B- Brendon, of course I do!" Patrick splutters, looking affronted. "Why would you even say that?"

"Then why won't you tell me that Pete's been cheating on you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you guys have any ideas or suggestions for their high school memories, feel free to tell in the comments below :D (bc I can't think of one)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no excuse for not updating this

Patrick immediately stiffens, eyes widening in horror for a fraction of a second before he returns to his previous stance, a small smile on his face. "Where in the world did you hear that, Brendon? You know that's just a rumour."

Brendon's frown deepens, and he crosses his arms in front of his chest. "Patrick, you know it's not a rumour. You know it's real. I saw how you'd get all tense when someone mentioned Pete to you."

"Probably just your imagination," Patrick shrugs as he walks further inside, back to his chair. "Pete's not cheating on me, Brendon. He loves me."

"Does he really?" Brendon doesn't expect to say that out loud, but since he can't take it back, he just continues, observing Patrick's back the entire time. "You and I both know what Pete's been up to. The team was on a break by the time your birthday came around. Pete was off somewhere, and he was the one who sent you that text when we're in the car."

"Yes, the team was on a break, but Pete decided to practice with other clubs. That doesn't mean he's cheating."

Brendon clenches his jaw, hands gripping tight around his arms. "Track 5. The lyrics are clearly about infidelity."

"So is 'The 'I' in Lie'. Still doesn't mean anything."

Still angry that Patrick chooses to defend Pete, he pulls out his biggest trump card. "I have a photographic proof."

Patrick is quiet for a few seconds, then turns around to face Brendon with a smile on his face. Brendon knows a fake smile when he sees one, and this is it.

"The picture can be photoshopped, Bren. Pete's not cheating on me."

"Do you really believe that, Patrick?" Brendon asks quietly, looking into Patrick's sorrowful eyes. Patrick can hide and fake everything, but certainly not the emotions in his eyes. "Even when Pete's lying to you, even when you wrote that song, even when I have the proof, do you still believe that Pete's not cheating on you?"

Patrick averts his gaze downwards, but Brendon continues. "You _know_ Pete's seeing someone else behind your back, but you just choose to not believe it. If you don't believe in something, then there's no way it's true, isn't that right?"

Patrick cracks a dry laugh and finally looks up at Brendon. "You need to stop analyzing things."

Brendon, however, doesn't find the situation funny. "You need to stop lying to yourself."

"It's not like you can do anything anyway." Patrick mumbles, turning back around to sit on the sofa.

"I can talk some sense into Pete. I can help you take the weight off your shoulders." Brendon says and moves to sit next to him. He ignores how his heart soars when Patrick rests his head on his shoulder. He shouldn't even be excited at the small action - since Patrick has done it a lot of times before - but everything is thrown into haywire when he found out the news about Pete's infidelity, which, inevitably, causes his suppressed feelings to bubble up to the surface.

"I can do a lot of things. I'll do them all if you let me help," Brendon continues with a soft voice, his hand hovering over Patrick's head, debating whether he should do it or not. Against his better judgement, he places his hand on Patrick's head, fingers massaging gently on the scalp and playing with his hair. He knows he shouldn't, especially when Patrick's this fragile, but _God_ after all these years, he's not going to let his brain win over his feelings anymore.

"Please," Patrick whispers quietly, begging, almost too quiet for his ears to catch, but he still hears him nonetheless.

Brendon pulls him closer, and he can feel the last of his integrity escapes his body as he places a kiss on the crown of Patrick's head.

It's wrong, but he wouldn't have it any other way.

-

_It was already Friday. Brendon walked along the hallway, eyes casted downwards. Everyone around him was talking, chatting, laughing, shouting, but he couldn't hear anything, too lost in his thoughts._

_The incident at the cafeteria two days ago was embedded deep in his brain. Patrick walked out of the cafeteria after Pete uttered those words to him. When he turned around to catch up with Patrick, he could see Pete's face morphed into regret and sadness. The senior mouthed an_ 'I'm sorry' _to him, but he scrambled off of his feet, grabbed his bag, and ran after Patrick._

_But as soon as he's out, the sophomore was already out of sight._

_Patrick was gone the second band practice had finished. When Brendon finally caught up with him, Patrick had just gotten into his ride. He sent messages to check up on him, he even called him, but none of them were answered._

_He didn't see Patrick at all on Thursday. For the first time ever, he didn't open his mouth to anyone - not his friends, not his family - for the entire day._

_"Are you still feeling down about what happened to Patrick?" Sarah asked when he sat down next to her. Almost everyone in the school had heard about the incident- his friends were no exception._

_"Yeah," he mumbled quietly and took out his notebook, eyes skimming over the words, but his thoughts were someplace else._

_"I'm sorry about what happened to him. He didn't deserve that." Sarah continued, patting him on the back._

_"Yeah. The whole class saw it, and they all hated Captain Wentz. To be honest, I don't know why he's so popular and all hyped up." Brendon glanced up to see Ryan had turned in his seat to face him. "An overrated captain, if you ask me. But I'm just a freshman. Nobody cares what a freshman thinks."_

_Brendon didn't reply. He propped his elbow up on the desk, doodling on the margin of his notebook. He wanted to defend Pete in front of his friends. They didn't know how kind and funny the soccer captain was, but after what he did to Patrick, he couldn't bring himself to forgive him in the mean time._

_"Don't worry about it, Brendon," Sarah smiled, bumping their shoulders together. "Patrick will come around. Just give him some time."_

_Brendon sighed and nodded, turning his attention to the front when the teacher walked in. He could only hope that what his friend said was right. It felt off having Patrick avoid him._

_When band practice rolled around after school, he had a gist of what heartbreak felt like when Patrick avoided him once again._

-

Brendon walks into Patrick's house, announcing his presence loudly. Since he has nothing planned, and Patrick's taking a break from recording, they've decided to spend the day together.

Pete isn't home yet from practice, that Brendon knows because Dallon confirmed that they do have practice from morning till evening every day.

"Living room!" He hears Patrick's voice call out.

He makes his way to the living room, spotting Patrick by the television, and plops down to sit on the sofa, propping his legs on the coffee table.

"Legs off the table, Urie."

Brendon immediately puts his legs down, pouting. Patrick has his back towards him, and Brendon ponders on how Patrick manages to know that he had his legs up. "Do you have an eye at the back of your head or something?"

"I can hear your legs hitting the table." Patrick smirks and turns around, a controller in one hand, and a remote in another. "Game or movie?"

"Game." Brendon answers quickly, catching the controller that Patrick tossed to him. "I can't wait to beat your ass again."

"That was a fluke." Patrick replies as he walks to the sofa, sitting next to Brendon. Brendon tries, really hard, to not make it obvious that he's taking in Patrick's scent bit by bit. "Or you could just be bad at it," Brendon grins.

Patrick scoffs, shoving him playfully. "There's only one way to find out."

The house is filled with shouts and laughter and occasional curses, but they're both having fun. Especially Brendon. He's in Patrick's house, spending the day with him, playing games with him, laughing with him. _Making_ him laugh.

For a moment, he can pretend that Pete doesn't exist, and that they're together. Married. Happy and in love with each other.

But the dream is shattered when the front door creaks open, and Patrick pauses the game to turn around. "Pete!"

Brendon doesn't bother to try to hide the burning jealousy in his chest.

"I didn't know we're having a guest." Pete quirks an eyebrow at him.

"I didn't know you're having an affair." Brendon mumbles quietly to himself, letting out an _'oof!'_ and wincing in pain when Patrick elbows him in the ribs, hard.

"We're just hanging out. I haven't seen Brendon in a while," Patrick smiles at Pete assuringly. "Go shower. I'll prepare dinner for us."

"And me. I'm joining dinner, too." Brendon's mouth is pressed into a thin line, his gaze cold when Pete frowns at him. "Of course you are."

Pete leaves to go to the bedroom, Brendon assumes, and he turns to look at Patrick. His chest aches at the pain and longing look in Patrick's eyes.

"Come on. I'll help you prepare dinner."

-

"Brendon, stop that!"

Patrick's squeal of laughter brings a grin on Brendon's face, and he continues to splash water in Patrick's direction. "Come on. Admit that I'm a great helper. I didn't destroy your kitchen!"

"You didn't destroy it," Patrick bends over in laughter, hands clutching tight on his sides, "but you did make a mess. And I'm not cleaning it up."

Brendon doesn't mind cleaning a kitchen, or even a sewer, as long as he gets to make Patrick laugh like this again.

They made a simple meatball spaghetti, and everything's already laid out on the kitchen island. They joke around for a while, waiting for Pete to come down.

"No, I'm serious! Spencer said that!" Brendon huffs, drying his hands on his shirt as Patrick continues to laugh at his story. "He actually said that in front of our manager. I can't believe that I'm friends with him."

He continues telling a dramatic version of his story, but pauses midway when Patrick suddenly voices out. "Pete? Where are you going?"

Brendon looks up to see Pete all freshen up, walking towards the front door with his eyes glued on his phone.

"The coach needs me. I'll be back later."

Brendon notices Patrick's hesitation when he opens his mouth to say something, but closes it a second later, nodding wordlessly as he watches Pete close the door on his way out.

His fingers grip tight on the edge of the counter to keep himself from lashing out at the way Pete's behaving. "You should've just said whatever you want to say. Don't keep them inside."

"Can we just forget about this?" Patrick sighs and takes a seat on a barstool, rubbing his temple.

Brendon moves to get him a glass of water and hands it to him. "How long has this been going on?"

"Why does it matter?"

"Patrick."

The shorter man sighs, taking a sip of the drink. "I don't know. A few months back, I guess."

A heavy feeling sinks in his stomach after hearing Patrick's answer. Brendon looks at him in pity. He truly doesn't know how Patrick is still able to keep up the act in front of everyone. If it were him, he'd probably lose his shit by now. "How can you stand so long?"

Patrick smiles, but all Brendon can see is emptiness.

"I guess practice makes perfect."

-

_On Monday, Patrick took his time gathering his things after practice had finished. Brendon watched him from his seat, not paying attention to the other students who were leaving the room. He had thought that Patrick would be the first to leave, like the previous Wednesday and Friday, but it seemed like there's a possibility that he'd stay in the room for a while._

_When the room was almost empty, he walked over to Patrick, clearing his throat to catch his attention. "Patrick, hi."_

_Patrick looked up at him, a smile on his face. "Brendon! I thought you'd already left."_

_Brendon's face immediately broke out into a grin. He bounced on his feet, happy and excited that Patrick's speaking to him and smiling again. "Patrick! Patrick! Are you staying today?"_

_"If you want me to." Patrick laughed as he took out his homework. "Come on. You can keep me company while I finish this."_

_Brendon was completely sure that the longer he spent his time with Patrick, the higher the likelihood that his face was going to split from grinning too wide._

_He skipped to get his bag, humming merrily under his breath, and plopped down next to Patrick, taking out his own homework as well. If he were to do his homework at home, nothing would get finished, so he might as well do it while he had nothing to do. At least, this way, when he got home, he could play video games until his bedtime._

_Brendon didn't mind the silence between them, even though he kind of freaked out when Patrick wasn't speaking to him last week. This silence was comfortable to him, calming and soothing and all those alike._

_But there's only so much he could do in silence. He was a pretty talkative person, so he was bound to open his mouth in the next few minutes. "You know, today, in Geography, there was this one student-"_

_He continued to chatter, only stopping for a few seconds every now and then to catch his breath. His smile widened every time Patrick let out a small chuckle or even a huff of laughter, and his heart absolutely burst with happiness when he managed to get Patrick to laugh._

_In the midst of their conversation, Brendon saw a shadow underneath the door, unmoving. He glanced at his watch, and he knew that the soccer team had finished with their practice fifteen minutes ago._

_He told another story, not wanting the sophomore to stop laughing, and he glanced back at the door every few minutes. The shadow was still there._

_Patrick didn't seem to notice anything, because he had his eyes on the book in front of him the entire time, and Brendon wondered if it made him a bad person for not telling Patrick that Pete had been standing outside the door for more than half an hour._

-

Brendon doesn't see Patrick for a few months, both of them too occupied with their own things. Panic! has been writing for their next album and going to the studio to record, and Patrick has been busy with the release of his upcoming album. Brendon is ecstatic by it. So ecstatic, in fact, that he made a countdown calendar for it.

And by the time Patrick's album is scheduled to release, Panic! is already in another country to perform in music festivals.

Brendon lies on the bed in a hotel room he shared with Spencer, groaning and refreshing his phone every few seconds. "Why the fuck is time so slow?"

"Probably because you haven't showered yet." Spencer rolls his eyes as he flips through the channel.

"Fuck no." Brendon flips over on his stomach and scowls at the time on his phone. "I don't want to miss when Patrick's album comes out. It's due any minute now."

"The album isn't going to run away if you miss a few minutes, Brendon."

He ignores his friend and waits impatiently for the notification to pop out, telling him that Patrick's album is now out. A buzz sounds in the room, and Brendon almost squeals at the notification.

_Patrick's album is officially released._

He wastes no time in downloading the whole album, humming the tune that he sang with Patrick together for his record.

"It's finally out?" Spencer asks, cocking his head in question.

"Uh huh," Brendon grins, sitting up on his bed and bouncing in excitement. "Did you know I sang with him on the album?"

Spencer sighs and returns his attention to whatever show is playing on the television. "We're in the fucking band together. Of course I know."

"And when he sang the song to me-"

"-he played it with the guitar you bought him for his birthday." Spencer finishes with a deadpan expression. "I _know._ You told this story, like, a million times before, Brendon. I'm pretty sure I can recite it word for word."

Brendon's eyes widen when the download finishes, and he quickly plugs in his earphones, hitting the play button. On the other bed, Spencer just shakes his head in amusement at his friend's behaviour.

_Folie à Deux_

Brendon makes a reminder to ask Patrick about the meaning behind it. He glances at the title of the first track.

_Disloyal Order Of Water Buffaloes_

A trail of goosebumps appears on both his arms, and he shivers slightly as Patrick sings the first note. It starts off slow, but when he hears the intro to the guitar riff and the thundering drums, he knows he's going for a ride.

_'So boycott love_  
_Detox just to retox_  
_And I'd promise you anything for another shot at life_  
_Imperfect boys with their perfect lives_  
_Nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy'_

He smiles at the last line of the chorus. How ironic.

When the second track comes on, he bops his head to the rhythm, closing his eyes and grinning at the new sound. Truth be told, he never pegged Patrick as someone who'd sing rock, but as the song goes on, he finds himself loving it, and he secretly hopes that Patrick would do more rock in the future.

It's pretty hot, if Brendon has to be honest. Even turns him on a little.

As the chorus comes the second time, he air-drums to the rhythm, already hooked up with it. He's definitely going to try and drum the song the next time he sees a drum set.

_'I don't care what you think as long as it's about me_  
_The best of us can find happiness in misery'_

A little depressing, but there's a hint of optimism behind it. He briefly wonders if this song addresses about Pete's infidelity. And if it does, that explains why Patrick was being defensive about Pete when Brendon confronted him at the studio.

He listens to the next two tracks with a smile on his face, having coming down from the high from listening to Patrick's unbelievable rock-ish sound. The fifth track starts to play, and before Patrick sings a note, Brendon already knows what song it is.

_Headfirst Slide Into Cooperstown On A Bad Bet_

Not for the first time, goosebumps make their appearance again at the way Patrick's voice sounds.

Also not for the first time, Brendon _knows_ this song is about Pete. It's glaringly obvious, and he can't help but feel proud for Patrick for being this bold- writing a song about his own husband's infidelity and putting it on the album.

He knows that if Patrick were asked about it, he would say that it's just a song, nothing more, nothing less. _"The 'I' in Lie has the same theme, so why is this song any different?"_

The difference is that one is fictional, and the other is real. One is not about Pete, the other is about Pete.

Brendon sighs and lies down on the bed. Patrick can lie to anyone he wants, but at least he's being truthful with him. The album continues to play the next upcoming tracks on automatic, but when it reaches the twelfth, he pauses the song and hops to Spencer's bed, grinning. "Spencer!"

"What the hell, Brendon?!" Spencer shouts as he places a hand over his chest, glaring at Brendon. "You almost gave me a heart attack!"

"Look! Look! Look!" Brendon chants and shoves his phone in Spencer's direction, unplugging the earphones. "Spence, look! It's our song! The song I recorded with Patrick!"

Before Spencer can answer, Brendon sits down next to him and slaps a hand over his mouth. "Shh. No talking. Just listen."

He presses play and takes his hand away, the grin never leaving his face as the song begins to play. His body sways to the melody, and he refrains himself from belting the lyrics out.

Brendon can still remember the day they recorded the song like it was yesterday. They had a lot of fun recording it, but to him, the best part was when they sang together as Patrick played the guitar he bought him.

And then there's the whole confrontation about Pete, but he's not going to let that ruin one of his precious memories.

"Wow. You two sound almost alike." Spencer comments once the song ends. Brendon nods frantically, pausing the song before it can play the last track, and plugs his earphones back in. "I know, I know. Imagine if we get to tour together! This would definitely be in the setlist!"

"That'd be pretty awesome, though," Spencer nods, agreeing with him. "Especially with our upcoming album on the way. If he gets us to tour with him, we get to promote our album, along with his, of course. And I know just how much the fans love to see you two together."

Spencer's tone is teasing, but Brendon doesn't hear it that way. Everytime he checks his Twitter, some fans have asked him about Patrick, and he's aware of all those fanarts and fanfictions of them together. He humours them all, teases them, but deep down inside, he wishes they were all true.

"Hey, I was just kidding." Spencer says, nudging Brendon on his side when he sees a solemn expression on his face. "The fans love to ship you guys, sure, but Patrick's married. To Pete. Remember that."

Brendon walks back to his bed, playing the last track and mulling over Spencer's words.

Pete's married, too, but he's still fooling around with someone else. Why can't Patrick do the same?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave some comments!


	6. Chapter 6

It's one of Panic!'s day off, and Brendon is currently hanging out with Spencer at his house, waiting for the last person to arrive. They both look up when the front door creaks open, and a faint _'Guys?'_ is heard.

Dallon walks into the living room a few seconds later, freshly showered and hair tousled, and Brendon guesses that the taller man has just finished with his soccer practice. Dallon sits on the arm rest of the sofa they're sitting on, grabbing one of the unopened beers on the table and opening it, taking a large gulp.

"Aww, would you look at that, Spence? Our baby boy finally comes to visit us," Brendon coos to Dallon, pinching his cheeks like one would do to a baby. Spencer laughs next to him, ignoring Dallon's pleas to get Brendon away from him.

"I am literally older than you two." Dallon pushes Brendon away as he huffs. "Why am I even hanging out with you brats?"

"If anyone's a brat here it's Brendon." Spencer snorts as he crosses his arms.

"Hey, fuck you guys! Patrick thinks I'm good!" Brendon cries out in disdain, pouting slightly.

Dallon's face falters- his previous mock annoyance transforms into a serious expression. "Speaking of Patrick, did you tell him yet?"

Silence immediately falls in the room. Both Dallon and Spencer sit in anxious, waiting for Brendon's answer. Brendon looks down on his lap, playing with his fingers. He isn't sure whether to tell them or not that Patrick already knew about it months, _months_ back.

"Well?" Spencer urges, breaking the silence.

Brendon bites his lip and nods. "But I didn't tell him."

"What do you mean?"

"He knew it long before we did." Brendon says quietly. He can hear the soft gasps from Dallon and Spencer, and he doesn't have to look at them to know that their jaws are hanging open in surprise.

"Are- are you serious?" Dallon stutters, still in disbelief. "How did you know? What did he tell you?"

"We were recording one of his songs at the studio. Then, Patrick got a phone call. I knew it was Pete, because he came back looking… I don't know. Stressed?" Brendon scratches his head and leans back on the couch.

"I had a feeling that he already knew about Pete, so I flatly asked him why he wouldn't tell me about it. Patrick denied it at first, but he finally gave in." Brendon says quietly, teeth gritting and body growing tense with each word. "I asked him how long he had known. And he said months."

He laughs dryly and curls his fingers into a fist. "Fucking _months._ He knew about Pete and his fucking boytoy and he kept fucking quiet about it! _Who the fuck does that?!_ "

His outburst stuns the room into another silence. He closes his eyes, feeling his whole body heat up from the suppressed anger. He knows he has anger issues - he'd blown up a few times before, but Spencer managed to cool him down before the paparazzi could catch him in the act - and he couldn't be any more glad that he's not in public.

Dallon and Spencer still haven't said anything, too stunned to get a word out, so Brendon gets up from the couch and makes his way to his room. Adrenaline is still running in his veins, and he's itching to throw something, shatter something - hearing the loud smashing sounds are the only thing that can cool him down at the moment - but since his friends are still in his house, he forces himself to settle with a cold shower instead.

-

_Brendon stared in confusion as Patrick hoisted his bag on his shoulder, a thick book in his hand. The sophomore fixed his glasses before following the other students out the band room. Brendon immediately grabbed his bag and trailed after Patrick._

_"Patrick, wait up!"_

_The older boy slowed down, stopping in his tracks and smiling when Brendon finally caught up to him. "Aren't- aren't you staying?" Brendon doubled over on his knees, panting._

_"Oh, I am." Patrick replied as he nudged Brendon to follow him, to which the dark-haired boy did with no hesitation. "But I'm staying at the music room. I have no homework, so might as well mess around with the instruments in there, am I right?"_

_Brendon grinned at the twinkle in Patrick's eyes. He liked it when the sophomore was being playful. "You are a bad influence, Patrick Stumph. And I, Brendon Urie, an innocent freshman, am being forced to get dragged into this."_

_"Please." Patrick scoffed, slapping his shoulder. "You have a say in this. You can choose to run away."_

_"Ah. But who would keep an eye on you? Who would keep you out of trouble?" Brendon clicked his tongue, and when he looked forward, they're nearing the music room. "The responsibility falls onto none other than Brendon Urie, the innocent freshman."_

_Patrick opened the door and smirked at him from over his shoulder. "Excuse me? I think I heard that wrong. Innocent?"_

_"Totally." Brendon nodded, throwing his bag onto the floor and sitting on a chair, then took his homework out while Patrick sat on the piano bench, his bag abandoned by the piano's leg._

_His heart skipped in anticipation when Patrick stretched his arms over his head, then positioned his fingers over the keys. Over the months he had spent his time with Patrick, he had only seen him playing the trombone- and that's only because they're in band._

_Brendon had lost count on how many times they had been in the music room, but he sure remembered just how many times Patrick played an instrument from the music room._

_Zero._

_This would be the first time he'd see Patrick play instruments other than his trombone. Patrick's fingers were hovering less than an inch away from the keys, and Brendon held his breath._

_The first note being played was rich, and it filled the room just nice. Patrick played the subsequent notes flawlessly, in Brendon's opinion, not a single note out of place. Brendon was caught in a trance by just watching him play. It was hypnotizing, to say the least. The melody was slow and smooth, and Brendon had to do a double take when his brain finally recognized the melody._

_He burst into laughter, hands clutching his sides and tears in his eyes, and the sound triggered Patrick to join the laughing fest as well._

"Old MacDonald had a farm  
E-I-E-I-O"

-

"You look tired."

"I am." Brendon sighs and runs his fingers through his hair, plopping down next to Dallon and catching the bottle of water that Spencer tossed him.

"How was the shoot?" Spencer asks as he plays with his phone.

He'd been shooting the video for _This Is Gospel_ the whole day, and he has already planned with Spencer to hang out with Dallon, seeing that they haven't seen each other for a while.

"Tiring, but I had a good feeling about it." Brendon smiles and looks up at the ceiling, humming the song softly under his breath.

"Yeah? Is it another love song for Patrick?" Dallon teases him, nudging his side.

"I didn't write-"

"Yes, you do," Spencer interjects with a small smirk. "Vices is the proof."

"How many songs are about him in that album, by the way?" Dallon whistles lowly and throws him a smirk, and Spencer bursts into laughter. "You have no idea, man."

"I didn't write about him _that_ much!" Brendon groans as he throws a small cushion in Spencer's direction to get him to stop laughing. "I wrote like, only one or two."

"Hold on."

Brendon waits in curiosity as he watches Dallon pull out his phone, tapping and scrolling until the taller man lets out a triumph _'ah!'_. "Spence, count for me, will you?"

Dallon clears his throat and grins.

_"Are you worth your weight in gold?_  
_Cause you're behind my eyelids when I'm all alone."_

Spencer laughs and claps his hands to the beat, continuing where Dallon left off.

_"Hey, stranger, I want you to catch me like a cold_  
_You and god both got the guns, when you shoot I think I'd duck."_

_"I led the revolution in my bedroom and I set all the zippers free_  
_We said-"_

Brendon crosses his arms, feeling heat creep up his neck, as Dallon and Spencer grin at each other, belting out the next lines.

_"No more war, no more clothes_  
_Give me peace_  
_Oh, kiss me!"_

"That's one," Spencer smirks, clearly enjoying the singer's red face. "Shut up," Brendon grumbles under his breath, but the other two just ignore him.

"Ooh! Here's another one!" Dallon crows in glee.

_"Oh memories_  
_Where'd you go?_  
_You were all I've ever known_  
_How I miss yesterday_  
_How'd I let it fade away?_  
_Where'd you go?"_

Brendon has to admit, even though his friends are being dicks at the moment, they both are pretty good at singing. But the admiration immediately turns to ashes as Spencer laughs. "That's two."

Dallon hums, eyes flitting down his phone screen. "Okay, the entirety of _Trade Mistakes_ is about Patrick, so I'm not going to sing that."

"That's three. And I think the first verse is about their wedding."

The blush on Brendon's face intensifies. He was so sure that no one would know who the song is about, let alone which verse is about what. But still, he remains quiet, reminiscing his memories with the older man. He wrote that song as a vow to himself to always be there for Patrick. To always protect him, just like how Patrick had protected him in school.

" _'Always.'_ "

"Four."

Brendon lets out another groan and slides down the sofa he's seating on while covering his face.

"I'm not sure about _'The Calendar'_ though. It could be about him. It could be _not_ about him."

"Could be. Let me see that," Spencer moves to sit next to Dallon, peering over to look at the screen of his phone before humming in confirmation. "Yeah. The chorus is probably about him."

 _'There is simply nothing worse than knowing how it ends.'_ The line gets increasingly melancholy and heartbreaking as time passes by, because Brendon knows that no matter what happened to them, Patrick would always end up with Pete.

But, he hopes, just this once, that he doesn't know how _this_ would end. _This_ referring to the whole Pete's infidelity and his scandal. He hopes that the outcome would turn out different this time.

" _'Sarah Smiles'_?" Dallon looks up at him, eyebrows furrowed. "Is she your ex?"

Brendon grins inwardly. The song is about Patrick, too, but he changed the name and the pronouns to throw people off from suspecting that it's yet another Patrick love song. And it _clearly_ worked, seeing that Dallon doesn't even notice it.

Besides, Sarah - one of his best friends since high school - knows about his feelings for the older man, and she even let him use her name for the song, bless her kind-hearted soul.

"Wait a minute…" Spencer squints his eyes in suspicion. "You never dated Sarah. I mean, I came to your school during sophomore year, but I'm completely sure you two didn't date in freshman year."

Brendon grins again, stretching his legs and placing them across Dallon and Spencer's laps. "Shut up, Spence."

Dallon shakes his head and shoves Brendon's legs away. "Whatever. Let's say half. So, last song. _'Nearly Witches'_."

They look each other for a few seconds and nod in affirmation. "Patrick."

"That totals about five and a half out of ten songs about one Patrick Stump." Spencer says smugly.

"Holy shit." Dallon laughs, throwing an arm around Brendon's his neck in a headlock. "Half of the songs on your album are literally about him! If Pete found out, you're going to be a dead man."

If Pete didn't cheat on Patrick, then sure, Brendon would be running for his life by now. But with their current situation, Brendon doesn't mind if Pete found out. He only write love songs about someone who's already married, he doesn't _cheat_ while he's married to someone.

Pete's fault is bigger than his, so he has nothing to be afraid or even ashamed about.

"You said you're recording a new album, right? Why don't you sing one of the songs to me right now?"

Brendon leans forward, placing his mouth next to Dallon's ear, grinning, and starts singing at the top of his lungs.

_"In the Vegas lights-"_

"What the fuck?! Brendon! My fucking ears!"

"Payback's a fucking bitch, Weekes."

-

_"Oh? What's this?"_

_Brendon glanced up to see Patrick holding and reading a piece of paper. He craned his neck to see what was written on the paper and grinned when he saw the words. "That's our English homework. The teacher asked us to partner up with someone and write a poem. That was my friend's part. I was supposed to continue it."_

_Patrick hummed in understanding. "Mind if I borrow it for a while?"_

_"Sure." Brendon shrugged, although, when Patrick stood up to get a guitar, his curiosity peaked. He kept his mouth shut and just kept his eyes on the sophomore._

_He watched quietly as Patrick tuned the guitar effortlessly while reading the half-finished poem at the same time. Brendon's admiration towards Patrick only grew bigger. They were only teens, only a year apart from each other, but Patrick looked like a professional as he sat in front of him, strumming his guitar._

"If all our life is but a dream  
Fantastic posing greed  
Then we should feed our jewelry to the sea  
For diamonds do appear to be  
Just like broken glass to me…"

 _Brendon gaped at the boy in front of him, jaw dropping open. He knew Patrick had a nice voice, but he didn't know Patrick had an_ amazing singing voice.

_And that wasn't what amazed him the most. What blew his mind was the fact that Patrick had turned Ryan's poetry into amazing lyrics, and it only took him a short while to come up with a melody for it._

_Patrick had his eyes on the paper while he sang and strummed the guitar, a small smile tugging on his lips. He looked wonderful- content and at ease and even_ beautiful. _Brendon wasn't sure if the term_ 'beautiful' _could be used to describe a guy, but at the moment, it summed up Patrick, well,_ beautifully.

"And then she said she can't believe  
Genius only comes along  
In storms of fabled foreign tongues  
Tripping eyes and flooded lungs  
Northern downpour sends its love…"

_It took Brendon a few seconds to realize that this would be the first time Patrick looked carefree after the cafeteria incident. Usually, when he saw Patrick, the sophomore always had that bleak aura around him, but now, his aura was warm and fuzzy._

_Just like what Brendon was feeling._

"Hey moon, please forget to fall down…"

 _Brendon finally snapped out of his daze and smiled up at him in adoration. With his gaze still locked onto Patrick's calm face, he sang softly with him._ "Hey moon, don't you go down…"

_Patrick flicked his gaze to him and smiled, placing his hand over the strings to stop the sound and cradling the guitar to his chest. "You have a nice voice. I bet you sound great singing."_

_"Not as great as you though." Brendon grinned bashfully, feeling his heart flutter at Patrick's compliment. "Can you sing again? Please? Any song is fine!"_

_Patrick laughed and shook his head. "I don't normally sing in front of people, but okay… feel free to throw tomatoes at me anytime," he joked before playing a melody and humming the first few notes, eyes closed._

_As Brendon stared at Patrick, he knew something wasn't quite right when he suddenly felt the urge to be closer to the sophomore. It wasn't something like scooting his chair nearer to him or anything like it._

_It was more like the need to hold his hand and lace their fingers together. Caress his face. Look into his eyes._

_And kiss him._

-

Patrick has been busy promoting his new album since the release of it, performing on talk shows and radio shows, being interviewed left and right, and Brendon kind of misses him a little. He's used to the days and nights when Patrick was still recording his album and Panic! was taking a break after touring. They could hang out anytime then.

But now that they're both back on track, they don't have time to see each other anymore.

"Why do you think they want a meeting?"

Spencer's voice interrupts Brendon's trail of thoughts, and he shrugs in return, grabbing two nearby pens and playing drum on the table. "Who knows? Probably about the album. Photoshoots? Music festivals?"

"What if it's a tour?" Spencer questions as he takes out his own pair of drumsticks, following the singer's beat. "It's about time for Panic!'s second tour, right?"

Brendon nods, beaming and trying to set up a challenging beat for his drummer. "Yeah, and then the release of our album. Man, I'm really excited for it!"

"Dude, what if the tour is with Patrick? How awesome would that be?" Spencer states as he follows the beat easily, then sets his own beat, prompting Brendon to copy him.

"I will _literally_ kneel down and kiss your shoes right now if that happens. But Patrick probably already has other bands and singers for it."

"Hey, sorry I'm late," their manager comes running in, hair slightly messy from running down the corridor. "Give me a second to catch a breath."

While waiting for her to calm down enough, Brendon and Spencer get into a friendly competition to see who can drum the fastest. "So, what's the meeting about?"

Their manager looks at them, grin stretching her face wide. "How would you like to tour with the one and only Patrick Stump?"

The pens and the drumsticks they're holding fall down onto the floor, the sound reverberating in the silent room. Brendon's eyes widen in shock, and he turns to Spencer, who sports a similar expression on his face. "Spencer James Smith, you are a _fucking god._ "

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave some comments!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not double checked, but I'll do it soon.

Brendon is practically vibrating with excitement as he, Spencer, and their manager, Kate, step into the studio building to meet up with Patrick and discuss about their tour. The grin on his face almost splits his face into half, and it doesn't go unnoticed by the other two.

"Well, someone's excited." Kate comments, amused by the singer's happy expression. Spencer smirks from Brendon's left. "Someone didn't sleep last night because he was excited for today."

The singer just ignores them both and whistles a merry tune under his breath, skipping in every step. He can't believe that they're going on tour together with Patrick. He gets to travel together with Patrick.

And he gets to spend every day together with Patrick.

_Together._

_With Patrick._

His chest flutters when he sees the door to the meeting room. Without waiting for the other two, he runs to the direction and throws the door open, immediately jumping on an unsuspecting Patrick.

"Patrick! Patrick! Patrick!" Brendon greets him, the name spilling out of his mouth in a rush of happiness. "Patrick!" He cries out one last time before lifting the other man up and spinning him around.

Patrick's laughter rings throughout the entire room, mingling together with Brendon's. He looks up to see Patrick's face contort in pure joy- his blue eyes sparkling, lips stretching wide in a grin, a warm glow surrounding him.

It would be a lie to say if Brendon didn't fall for his friend again then and there.

"Save the fanservice for later, guys."

Brendon puts Patrick back down when he hears Kate's teasing voice in the room. He turns around, noticing that she and Spencer have entered the room, along with Patrick's manager, Dave. He can feel a blush forming on his face when Kate raises her brows in amusement.

"Okay, let's start planning, guys. The sooner we can get this done, the better." Dave says, stepping past them and making his way to a table in the center of the room, followed by Patrick. Kate follows next, and before Brendon can join them, he's stopped in his tracks when Spencer mumbles lowly next to him.

"Try not to make it too obvious. If Kate can notice it, then Patrick sure can."

-

_Brendon knew he's in deep trouble._

_He knew he dug his own grave the moment the thought of kissing Patrick entered his mind. He shouldn't even be thinking about it. He shouldn't even have a thought about it._

_Because now that was all he could think about every second._

_"Hey, what's up?" Patrick looked at him, forehead creased in worry. "You've been quiet the whole day. Did something happen?"_

_Brendon's cheeks turned red Patrick's words. The older boy noticed that he was being quiet. Did that mean Patrick had been watching him the entire time?_

_"Or, wait," Patrick placed his fingers under his chin, face scrunched and lip pursed, deep in thought._

Those luscious pair of pink, plump lips that's begging to be kissed. Probably feels as soft as it looks. And when those pretty lips are parted, just imagine all the beautiful sounds that come out. _Brendon gulped at his thoughts. His body felt like it's burning to a hundred degrees, and he felt a strange sensation somewhere in his body. He crossed his legs discretely, reaching for his bag and placing it on his lap- Patrick still oblivious to his surroundings._

 _Patrick let out a small_ 'oh' _and looked back to Brendon. "Did Gabe do something to you? Threaten you? If he did, just tell me, okay? I won't let him get to you."_

_Brendon nodded mutely, knowing that the only sounds that were going to come out of his mouth were whimpers instead of words. He blushed under Patrick's gaze and looked down, playing with the zipper of his bag._

_"Bren, you okay? You look flushed." Patrick asked, voice concerned, and placed a hand over Brendon's forehead. Brendon felt the room just suddenly got a lot hotter, and his breathing hitched when Patrick leaned forward. He could feel Patrick's warm breath fanning his face. "You're feeling a little hot, too. Are you having a fever?"_

_He nodded his head once again. Saying he had a fever was safer than admitting that he's turned on by the sophomore. Patrick moved to sit next to him, and he had to bit his lip from whimpering. Patrick's scent was intoxicating._

_There was a hint of peppermint from his shampoo, which Brendon knew because Patrick had mentioned it to him once that he liked the smell of peppermint. The minty scent mixed together just nice with the soft scent of his fabric softener. And he also smelt a little bit like the chocolate chip cookies that the teacher passed around the room during break._

He probably tastes like chocolate, too. _Brendon swallowed, hands curling into fists, and pressed his bag harder into his lap._ There's only one way to find out, isn't there?

 _"I- I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow." Brendon grabbed his bag and stood up abruptly, pulling the hem of his shirt down further, and got out of the room as fast as possible. He didn't glance back once until he's on the school ground._ That was too close, _Brendon thought._

_One second longer, and he might just fall into the temptation._

-

_"Hey, Bren, are you doing anything right now?"_

"Nothing. I just finished an interview," Brendon replies as he unlocks his car, getting in and closing the door. "What's up?"

_"What about later?"_

Brendon hums, going through his brain for any possible plans he has that night. "Nothing, I guess. I'm done for the day. Just gonna grab some dinner and watch some movies. Why?"

_"Great! Come by my place? We can have dinner together."_

A grin immediately spreads across Brendon's face. Who is he going to turn down an invitation - any invitation, really - from Patrick? "Fuck yeah. I'll come over right now. Keep the door open and the red carpet spread for me, baby."

Patrick laughs over the line. _"I'll give you five minutes to get over here, or there's no red carpet for you, Mr Urie."_

He ignites the engine, and, while waiting for it to warm up, rests his head on the steering while, a goofy smile plastered on his face. Patrick's too adorable, even when he's on the other side of the phone. "I'll speed my way. I guarantee you that. Nobody jokes about red carpets."

_"Wait, Bren. You- you're not really going to speed, are you?"_

Brendon laughs at Patrick's worried tone. "I won't. Promise. I'll be there in twenty, okay?"

_"Okay. Drive safe. See you soon."_

As soon as Patrick ends the call, Brendon wastes not even a second driving to Patrick's house. He may have broken a few laws, but Patrick doesn't need to know that.

-

_Brendon's scared._

_He's scared and afraid and terrified since he had that last thought of kissing Patrick._

_Because that was the moment he realized his feelings for the sophomore._

_And he was so scared to his bones that he could feel the first telltale signs of anxiety coming when band practice had finished and everyone was already out, leaving only him and Patrick behind._

_He sat in his seat, body and shoulders stiff, unsure of what to do with his newfound feelings. He knew he should've left earlier with the others, but he still wanted to hang out with Patrick._

_"Are you okay?" Patrick's voice broke his thoughts and the silence in the room. "You've been quiet lately. I'm worried about you."_

_"I'm- I'm fine." Brendon mumbled quietly, picking at his nails and avoiding looking in the sophomore's direction. Patrick's worried voice made his eyes water slightly; he didn't mean to make Patrick feel worried about him. That was the last thing he wanted to do._

_"Brendon…" Patrick had moved to crouch in front of him, a hand on his thigh, and Brendon squeezed his eyes shut when tears threaten to fall. He's not going to cry._ He's not going to cry. _He repeated those words in his head to stop the tears, but it didn't do anything. If he convinced himself that he's fine, then maybe that would work._

_"I'm fine." He croaked out, voice choked in tears. "I'm fine, Patrick. I'm fine. I- I swear." He broke down into tears at the last sentence as his emotions finally got the best of him._

_Patrick's arms were wrapped around him immediately, and Brendon clung to him tight, burying his face in the crook of his neck as his body trembled in tears. "I'm s- sorry." He apologized through his sobs._

_"It's okay," Patrick murmured comfortingly in his ear while stroking the back of his head. "Do you want to talk about it?"_

_"No," Brendon squeaked, shaking his head wildly. He didn't want to drive Patrick away with his feelings._

_"Okay, okay. But you can always to talk me, alright?"_

_Brendon nodded slightly. His sobs had reduced to sniffles now, and he moved a hand between their bodies to wipe his nose and eyes._

_"See? I know a hug can fix everything!" Patrick grinned, pulling away and holding Brendon at an arm's length. Brendon laughed quietly under his breath and wiped his tears away; there's no way he could be sad if Patrick's around. "Thanks, Patrick."_

_"Anytime," Patrick replied him and pulled him into another hug. It wasn't as tight as before, but Brendon still appreciated it. "If you have any troubles, you can come to me. I'll help you through it. I promise."_

_He put his arms around Patrick, burying his face in Patrick's shirt. His throat tightened up again, and he could feel another onslaught of tears coming as guilt filled him twice that day. This was his problem, he was the one who created it, yet Patrick offered to help him without knowing what it was._

_"Are you ready to talk about it yet?"_

_Brendon shook his head, a small sob escaping him. He wasn't going to tell Patrick that he liked him. He wasn't going to tell Patrick that he wanted to kiss him._

_He wasn't sure of the status of Patrick's relationship with Pete after the cafeteria incident, but he knew that Pete still cared about Patrick. Pete's his friend, and damn it, Brendon never betrayed his friends, and he's not going to start anytime soon._

_"It's okay if you don't want to talk." Patrick's soothing voice filled his ears, and it managed to calm him down. "You can cry as much as you want. Let everything out. I'm here."_

_Brendon was torn. On one side, he was grateful that Patrick was still here with him. On the other side, he was mad that Patrick was_ still _here with him. He wanted Patrick to be disgusted and mad at him. He wanted Patrick to leave and dump him._

_Because the more time he spent with Patrick, the more side of Patrick he got to see, the deeper his feelings went._

-

"Fancy." Brendon compliments him as he takes in the view around him. They're standing in the backyard, with fairy lights still hanging from the trees since forever, and Brendon sees their dinner set up on a round table just a few feet away.

He walks towards it, finding that the table is decorated with a plain white tablecloth and a single candle in the middle, their dinner already laid out.

"What's the occasion?" Brendon furrows his brows as he sits down and looks up at Patrick, who shrugs in return and sits across him. "It's Pete's birthday."

His heart drops at Patrick's answer. "Then, where is he?"

"Not here, obviously."

Anger begins to fill Brendon up, and his fists are clenched tight by his side. When he takes one look at Patrick's droop posture, he cools down instantly. "Patrick…"

"Can we not talk about him?" Patrick sighs, looking up at him, pleading. "I just want to have a nice dinner."

He wants to pull Patrick into a hug and make everything better for him, just like how Patrick used to do to him, so he does just that. He gets up from his seat and walks over to Patrick's side, bending down and giving him a hug. "I'm here, okay?"

When he pulls back, he sees a small smile on Patrick's face, and he can't help but smile in return. "There's that adorable little smile!"

"Shut up, Bren." Patrick laughs as he lightly shoves Brendon away. Brendon ruffles his hair before getting into his seat, picking up a bottle of champagne sat on the table. He pours the champagne into two glasses and strikes up a conversation.

With Patrick, there has never been awkwardness between them. They always have something to talk about, and even if they don't, the silence is something that they both still enjoy.

Even though Brendon is still pissed off at Pete, he welcomes all the fluttering and buzzing feeling throughout his body. For one night, he can pretend that it's a date. Not like Brendon hasn't done it before - he's done it a lot of like times, like on Patrick's birthday - but this seems more intimate compared to the others.

Their dinner is cooked by Patrick himself. There's a candle and a bottle of champagne on the table, and fact that the fairy lights are on just enhance the ambiance even more.

"Think you have some room for dessert?" Patrick arches an eyebrow, a smile tugging on his lips. Brendon immediately catches his hidden meaning and beams. "Birthday cake?"

"Birthday cake." Patrick affirms. "But I put it in the fridge-"

"Well, what are we still standing here for?" Brendon interrupts him as he grabs Patrick by the hand, dragging him to the kitchen. "Do we have candles?"

"The cake comes with candles, yes." Patrick opens the fridge and takes out a rectangular box, bringing it to the island. Brendon takes a look at it. "What flavour is it?"

"Butterscotch."

Brendon almost drools at the mention of the flavour, but he frowns when he reads the message written with red icing.

_Happy Birthday, Pete_

Patrick shifts uncomfortably next to him and scratches the back of his neck. "Yeah, um, we can just ignore-"

Before Patrick can finish his sentence, Brendon already dips his finger into the cake, wiping the _Pete_ off of it. "You were saying?"

Patrick laughs and shakes his head. "I'll put the candles on now."

While waiting for Patrick to light up the candles, Brendon washes his hands and stands on the other side of the island, admiring how focused Patrick looks. His tongue is sticking out slightly, his hand trembling when he puts the candles in, his eyes searching for suitable spots to place the candles. Brendon absolutely loves the way his eyes glint once the candles are all lit, giving light to the dark kitchen.

"Make a wish." Brendon whispers. He watches as Patrick closes his eyes, eyebrows knitted together in thought. The corner of his lip quirks up at the sight, and soon, his eyes flutter close.

There are so many things that Brendon wishes for. He wishes for Panic!'s upcoming album to be number one on the charts. He wishes for the tour to go well. He wishes for his friendships with Patrick and Spencer and Dallon to last forever.

He wishes for his feelings to be reciprocated.

But most importantly, he wishes for Patrick's happiness to be everlasting.

"Finished?"

He opens his eyes, taking his time to admire the soft features on Patrick's face. "Yeah."

"On the count of three." Patrick grins after he opens his eyes, bouncing in his place, and Brendon can't help but laugh at how excited Patrick looks. "One, two, three."

They blow the candles together, and when the flames are out, they let out a cheer, clapping together. Brendon props his elbow on the island, resting his chin on his palm as he gazes at Patrick, who has started to cut the cake and places a piece of it on a plate. Patrick is chattering about something, and he looks content and blissful.

Brendon thinks that his wish just came true.

He snaps out of his thought when a cake hits his face. He scoops up the remnants of it with his hand and looks at Patrick. Patrick is standing on the other side, grabbing the edge of the counter as he laughs his heart out. Brendon takes the opportunity and throws the cake to Patrick, hitting the side of his face.

It's his turn to laugh now as they both each grab a handful of cake to throw at each other's faces. The kitchen is in a mess, and they really need to clean up, but when Patrick is looking like he's having the best time of his life, Brendon wouldn't wish for anything else.

He knows he's falling in deeper than he already has, but he doesn't give a damn about it one bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave some comments!


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Starting this chapter onward, the timeline is the same as Never Lit A Match/Chip My Heart.
> 
> Not double checked, but I'll get to it later :)

They're meeting again to start discussing about the tour. Spencer leaves the matter to Brendon, trusting that the singer can handle it without a hitch and knowing that Brendon would want to spend time with Patrick.

Today, though, Brendon notices the gloomy atmosphere the moment he steps into the room. Patrick is seated on a chair, already planning his part for the tour as his hand glides over the piece of paper seamlessly. Brendon sits beside him, turning so he can face the other man.

No words are exchanged between the two of them, and the silence has stretched long enough that Brendon decides to just be blunt about it and address the elephant in the room. He knows Pete's acting up again.

"If Pete can cheat, then why can't you?" Brendon scowls, finally voicing out his thoughts that's been floating around in his mind the moment Patrick's album was released. "Let him have a taste of his own medicine."

Patrick lets out a sharp, dry laugh. It hurts Brendon to see that his normally cheery and sassy friend has slowly become sardonic and bitter. "See, Brendon. That's the difference between me and Pete. I love my husband, so I wouldn't cheat on him."

Brendon rolls his eyes at his answer and snorts. "Pete's an asshole. I don't know why you're still together with him."

"I love him, Bren. That's all that matters."

Patrick may smile right now, but Brendon can see right through the facade. He looks back down to the paper and arranges his setlist for their tour while mumbling under his breath. "Does it still matter if he keeps on breaking your heart?"

-

_Brendon sat eagerly across Patrick in the cafeteria, a notebook on the table and a pencil in his hand, nodding along to what Patrick was saying. He still couldn't believe that Patrick agreed to teach him the basics for music scores._

_To be honest, he still couldn't believe they're in the cafeteria after what had happened. But since that incident, they had only come a few times, and nothing happened each time. So, naturally, Brendon assumed that things would go well this time. Keyword being 'assumed'._

_He almost jolted in surprise, and a little bit of terror, when he heard a familiar voice at their table._

_"Hey, fag. Long time no see. How's your boyfriend doing? Or did Pete dump you?"_

_Brendon flicked his gaze towards Patrick, who mouthed a_ 'don't worry' _to him and resumed teaching him. He calmed slightly and paid attention to the sophomore, ignoring Gabe nearby._

_"Aww," Gabe cooed, "I'm going to take that as a yes. But, hey, I'm sure there are lots of guys here who would do you for free."_

_Brendon stiffened when Gabe sat on their table, smirking. "So._ Pete _here told me you're a pretty good fuck. Why don't you let me be the judge of that?"_

 _Underneath the table, he felt Patrick's foot nudged his, and he looked up. Patrick must had sensed the fear radiating off of him. "Calm down." Patrick mouthed to him. Brendon was internally freaking out._ How could Patrick _still_ calm down when they're about to be pummeled by a senior?

_"Or do you already have a new boyfriend? Hey, wait, is the little big forehead here your new boyfriend?" Gabe sneered and poked at his forehead. Brendon was near to tears now. He was already feeling insecure about it, so he didn't need other people to point that out._

_He sneaked a glance at Patrick, who continued talking to him, but his grip around the pencil he was holding had tightened._

_"Wow, hey, Pete! Your plaything already has another boyfriend!" Gabe hollered, attracting everyone's attention. Everyone's eyes were on them now, and everything was silent except for Gabe. Brendon's eyes had begun to water, and he kept his head down in fear that Gabe could see them. "And it's this nerd kid! You got replaced by a wimpy freshman!"_

_His heart almost jumped out of his chest when Patrick abruptly stood up and glared at the senior. "You can say shit about me. You can beat the fuck out of me. But don't you ever talk like to Brendon._ Ever. _" He growled lowly._

 _Brendon's jaw hung open slightly in surprise when his name came out of Patrick's mouth, along with a few cuss words. Patrick was_ defending _him. He wasn't kidding when he said he wouldn't let Gabe get to him._

_He quickly closed his mouth as Gabe's menacing laughter echoed in the cafeteria. "Yeah? What are you gonna do about it, faggot? Defending a fag doesn't make you any less of a fag."_

_Hearing the offensive slur directed to him, his lips began to quiver before a small whimper escaped past them. His head snapped up when a solid thump sounded in the air, and he saw that Patrick had his fist clenched, Gabe a few feet away from them, cradling his jaw._

Did Patrick just punched Gabe?

_"Shut your fucking mouth." Patrick hissed as he punched the senior once again. Gabe quickly got up to his feet and shoved Patrick until his side hit the table, and Patrick gasped from the pain._

_"'Trick!" Pete cried out as he run towards Patrick to help him up. Brendon was still sitting at the table, too shocked to move, and watched the scene played out before his eyes._

_"No one talks back to me!" Gabe threw a blow in Patrick's stomach, and Patrick doubled over in pain. When Patrick raised his fist again, Brendon finally snapped out of his shock and grabbed him by the arm, Pete grabbing the other, and held him back. Two other students also did the same to Gabe._

_"You two! To the principal's office!" A teacher called out to them. Gabe snatched his arms away before following the teacher. Patrick shrugged himself away from Pete's hold, but let Brendon latched onto him._

_Brendon could literally feel Patrick's energy vibrating under his skin- his muscles were tense and hard._

_"'Trick… want me to go with you?" Pete asked, but was ignored by the sophomore, who turned to look at Brendon. "You okay, Bren?"_

_Brendon nodded at him, but he kept glancing at Pete. The senior looked forlorn as he continued to gaze at Patrick. He suddenly felt pity for Pete. "Yeah, I'm fine, I guess."_

_"I'm going to the principal's office," Patrick gently pried his hand away and patted his shoulder, "think you can take care of yourself?"_

_"I'll go with you." Pete offered, trying to get Patrick's attention. Brendon nodded once again as he looked at Pete._

_"I'll see you after school, Bren." Patrick said before he moved to make his way to the office. Everyone around them went back to what they did before, and now Brendon was left alone with Pete. "'Trick…"_

_Brendon stiffened when Pete turned to face him. "Bren, I'm sorry. I'm really sorry for what happened."_

_For a moment, Brendon thought how wrong it was for Pete to call him by that name. It didn't feel right somehow. He was so used to Patrick calling him_ 'Bren' _that it sounded weird coming from other people's mouth, even though people had been calling him that since he was a kid._

_Pete was still looking at him in apology, and Brendon didn't know what to do. Pete's his friend, but after what he'd done, he wasn't sure if he's ready to let it go just yet. Patrick sure as hell didn't. He decided that he would only forgive him if Patrick did first._

_Without another word, he grabbed his stuff and left the cafeteria._

-

When Brendon walks into the studio to meet up with Patrick, a bad feeling consumes him when he sees Patrick with his eyes puffy and rimmed red behind his glasses, slouched forward on a couch in the room. He's seen the posture too many times over the months compared to the years they've known each other. This time, Brendon knows the cause behind it, and he's not going to beat around the bush anymore.

"What did Pete do this time?"

Patrick's body shoots up in surprise, and he twists in his seat to look at Brendon. "No, uh. It's nothing big." Patrick finally says, looking down and fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. "Can we get started now?"

Brendon stares down at him from where he stands. "Fine. But we're talking about this later," he says with an air of finality in his voice. Patrick nods meekly, getting up to grab some papers and pens.

Despite the fact that Patrick seems to be emotionally distraught, Brendon gives him credit for being able to focus on task at hand. Of course, they are far from finished, but at least they made some progress.

He glances at his watch and declares for a break, seeing that they've worked for about two hours now. Patrick stretches next to him and settles back into the couch, and that's when Brendon decides that it's the perfect time to ask him what happened.

"Okay, spill." Brendon nudges him, catching his attention. "What did Pete do?"

Patrick doesn't say anything for a while, just chewing on his bottom lip and playing with the sleeves of his cardigan before glancing at Brendon from the corner of his eyes. "Promise you won't go all crazy?"

"No promises."

"Brendon."

"Patrick." Brendon fixes his gaze on the shorter man. "I'm not kidding. I know this isn't the first time Pete's done something like this to you, and I'm not just going to sit around and do nothing."

"Fine." Patrick mumbles after a moment of hesitation. "He- he knew about the tour before I could tell him. He sounded mad when he found out that we're going on the tour together. We had a fight about it, then he stormed off." His voice soon quiets down, and when he speaks up again, his voice sounds strained. "He didn't come back the whole night. Didn't reply my texts. Didn't pick up my calls."

Forget crazy. Brendon's just about to go on a rampage and stomp his way to the stadium where the players are practicing if it weren't for Patrick holding him back. "Brendon, please. He probably didn't mean it."

Brendon feels like ripping his hair out in rage. Why is Patrick still defending him after what he'd done? "I'll let it slide just this one time. If he did it again, I won't hold myself back."

He lets Patrick rest his head on his shoulder. "I'm tired, Bren." Patrick sighs. "I don't think I can keep up the act any longer."

Brendon throws an arm around him, pulling him close, and rubs circles on his back. "Tell him the truth, Patrick. I'm surprised you can last this long, actually."

Patrick is quiet after that, but his face displays all the conflicted emotions within him. Brendon wants to help him, wants Patrick to break everything off with Pete for putting him through this misery.

He just wants Patrick to be happy again.

His eyes flit over to the ringing phone on the table, and he lets go of Patrick so the other man can answer it. Patrick picks up his phone, then beams as he shows it to Brendon. "It's Pete!"

Brendon rolls his eyes at the name. It's kind of liberating that he now can express his displeasure about Pete without worrying that his friendship with Patrick will be on the line.

"Hey, Pete. What's up?"

He sighs and returns his attention back to the planning of their upcoming tour, no matter how boring or tiresome it is. He'd do anything as long as he doesn't have to hear the phone call between Patrick and Pete.

"Uh, hold on."

When he doesn't hear anything from Patrick's side, he looks up to see the other man giving him a pleading look and a huge smile. Annoyance sparks in his chest, and Brendon frowns at his request. He knows what Patrick's asking from him. "No," he says bluntly, giving him a stern look.

He's going to keep Pete away from Patrick no matter what. Even if Pete has a sudden slight change of heart or an epiphany, Brendon won't let Patrick get his heart broken again.

"Please, Brendon? It's Pete!" Brendon rolls his eyes again when he hears the name. "He's probably going to ask me out for lunch."

"No, Patrick. We still have to plan our tour," he states with a firm voice, ignoring Patrick's puppy dog look. "Time is running out."

"Please." Patrick clasps his hands in front of his chest, dragging the vowels. "We haven't been spending time together. This could be it. Please, Brendon. I'll make it up to you!"

Brendon resists the urge to drag a hand down his face in frustration. Just a minute ago Patrick sounded like he had given up with the whole Pete situation, but now he gets all his hopes up again?

He lets out a sigh instead, and runs his fingers through his hair, letting Patrick do whatever he desires. The older man shoots him a grin and returns to his phone call.

"Nah. Bren and I are just taking our breaks. Something wrong? … We're just planning for the tour, Pete… we didn't do anything else."

Brendon narrows his eyes when he hears part of the conversation, and he leans over Patrick to get the phone and give an earful to Pete. He's the one who runs off with his boytoy, so what gives Pete the right to be jealous if Patrick hangs out with him?

Patrick wrestles him back, trying to keep him away from the phone, and laughs. Brendon suppresses the bubbling jealousy in his chest. Pete doesn't deserve him.

"How about this? We'll go out for lunch, just the two of us? … Sure, you know where to find me." He ends the call with a grin. Brendon gives him a disapproving look, which instantly wipes the grin off of Patrick's face. "I'll be fine, Bren. Pete and I are fine now. Don't worry, okay?" Patrick reassures him with a smile, patting his back. "Do you want me to buy you anything?"

"Just… just be careful, okay, Patrick?" Brendon looks at him, hoping that Patrick won't end up hurting himself again this time. Patrick just nods at him, not saying anything, and turns back to his phone, smiling at the screen.

It scares Brendon how fast Patrick's emotions change. One moment it's like a big grey cloud in the depressing winter, then, after a call from Pete, it disappears into a fucking sunshine in the middle of summer.

It scares him how codependent Patrick has become towards Pete. But most of all, it scares him how unhealthy their relationship has become.

He ignores the sinking feeling that has been tugging down in his chest. He knows he can't convince Patrick to leave Pete, but for now, he'll just have to keep an eye on him and be there for him.

-

_"Have you- have you talked to Pete yet?" Brendon stammered nervously as Patrick looked at him with a deep frown. The expression unnerved Brendon, seeing that he had never been on the receiving end of it. And now, he just wanted to eat his words back._

_While they had never talked about Pete since the first cafeteria incident, Brendon knew they were bound to sooner or later._

_"Did Pete come to you?" Even Patrick's voice sent a chill down his spine. He opened his mouth to reply, but no voice came out, too intimidated by the sophomore. And Pete didn't exactly come to him, but they did talk after the last cafeteria scene._

_"W- we did talk. A b- bit." He stuttered and looked down at his shoes, his heart pounding against his chest. "He- he said he was sorry."_

_When he dared himself to look up, Patrick's face had gone red from anger. Brendon bit his lip, afraid that if he let another word out, he'd only make him angrier._

_"If he came to you again," Patrick gritted his teeth, eyes fierce, "don't bother yourself with him. And if he came here, tell him that non-band members aren't allowed in the room."_

_Brendon flinched at the harshness in Patrick's voice. He had never seen this side of Patrick before, and he certainly wouldn't want to be the cause of it._

_Patrick grabbed his bag and turned around, walking out of the band room. Brendon bit his lip again in hesitation. "Are- aren't you staying?"_

_"I'm grounded." Was the last thing that Patrick said to him that week, and the next week that followed._

-

Brendon whistles under his breath as he skips into Patrick's kitchen, helping the older man to carry the groceries.

"Thanks for helping me, Bren." Patrick grins and bumps their shoulders together. "I don't think I could've done this all by myself."

Brendon returns the grin and hops onto the counter, stealing an apple from the fruit bowl. "Why did you suddenly plan to cook a special dinner?"

His heart feels like it's melting into a puddle of goo when Patrick blushes and giggles in front of him. He smiles and stares adoringly at the shorter man. Patrick's too cute for his own good.

"Remember the other day, when I went out for lunch with Pete?"

Brendon nods. Then Pete got jealous because they're spending time at the studio together. Brendon feels smug about it, but he'll never admit to anyone.

"I can feel that our relationship is getting better, Bren." Patrick smiles softly. "Maybe this is it. Maybe after this everything will be back to normal."

His chest tightens as he frowns, lips pressed into a thin line. Everything won't go back to normal in a blink of an eye. The lunch date might have gone well, but there's no way it could fix all the damages Pete has done over the months.

Pete can't change overnight, and Patrick can't forget everything just like that.

Patrick has turned around to sort the groceries. Brendon fixes his gaze on his back, watching and analyzing his every move. "Have you called him yet? Ask him if he'll be home for dinner."

"Pete will be home, Brendon. I know him." Patrick narrows his eyes at him.

Brendon looks at him challengingly. "Call him, Patrick. Ask him."

Patrick huffs and takes out his phone, dialing Pete. Brendon maintains his gaze on Patrick's; neither backing down from each other.

In less than a second, Patrick's determined expression turns into shock. Brendon immediately hops down and stands next to him, worried and wondering what is happening on the other side of the call.

"Pete, are you doing anything later?"

Patrick's voice sounds shaky, and it makes Brendon worry more. Patrick leans against the counter, his eyes closed, and Brendon places an arm around him to support him.

"Oh… well, have fun. See you later at home. I love you, Pete." Patrick places his phone on the counter and breathes out.

"Hey, Patrick, what happened?" Brendon asks, but only receives a headshake in return. When Patrick sinks down to the floor, Brendon sits next to him, cradling him in his arms as Patrick rests his head on his chest. "He's with Mikey."

So, that's Pete's boytoy's name. He rubs his hand up and down Patrick's back, soothing him. "How did you know?"

"I- I heard it, Bren. Pete was- he was out of breath, moaning." Patrick's voice breaks into tears at the end of the sentence, and it breaks Brendon's heart in two to see Patrick in this condition. He pulls Patrick closer and comforts him, but Patrick pushes him away as he stands up on his feet. He runs to the sink and starts to throw up, tears sliding down his face.

His chest tightens at the sight as he rubs Patrick's back. How did it come to this? How has Patrick, who had always been independent and strong for himself since they were teens, reduced to someone who is too selfless and too dependent for his own good? And all for the same person who treated him like shit.

Pete _._

_Pete, who is fucking someone else while on the phone with his husband._

Brendon growls. "I'll kill him. I swear, Patrick, he's really done it this time."

Patrick shakes his head weakly and whimpers, hunching over the sink. "Don't, Brendon. Please."

His bubble of anger bursts when Patrick defends Pete once again. "Why are you still defending him?! Patrick, this isn't healthy! This is not a healthy relationship!"

He's not going to sugarcoat things any longer when it comes to Patrick's relationship with Pete. Harsh or not, Patrick deserves to know that what he has with Pete is now toxic.

"I love him, Bren." Patrick whispers as he squeezes his eyes shut. "I love Pete. And Pete loves me. I know Pete loves me. Please don't do anything to him. I love him."

It's painful to hear Patrick plea to him that he loves Pete. Brendon clenches his fists, calming himself down with the technique that Spencer taught him while Patrick quietly sobs next to him. "Honestly, Patrick, I don't know what else to do with you."

He takes a deep breath and ushers Patrick to the living room, laying him down on the sofa. The older man immediately curls up, lips quivering and face red from exertion. Brendon kneels next to him and brushes his bangs away. "You stay here. I'll cook something for you. What do you want?"

Patrick mumbles quietly to himself before closing his eyes. Brendon's hand stills, and he brings it back to his side as the previous anger regenerates and sparks back to life. He never would have thought that one simple name can bring so much hatred and rage within him.

_"I want Pete."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave some comments! (You can send in ideas and suggestions, too :) )


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Last updated: 20 Jul 2016"

When Patrick's album gets a platinum certification with his singles topping the charts every week since the album's debut, Brendon's not surprised when the label decides to throw a celebration party for the man himself.

It's not a big party, but it's not exactly an intimate party either. He recognizes some of the artists there; they're in the same circle, after all, but most of them are corporate people.

He's drinking and laughing with Spencer and other artists when something in his peripheral vision catches his attention. He tilts his head around curiously when he sees a flash of strawberry blond hair, and his eyes scan the crowd until he sees Patrick sneaking away through the door. Worried, he excuses himself from the conversation and follows the direction where Patrick has gone to.

Many things go through his mind at a hundred miles an hour. Why did Patrick ditch his own party? Did something happen? Is he meeting someone? If so, then who? Why meet at a secluded place?

Once he walks through the door to a dark hallway, his worry doubles when Patrick is nowhere in sight. There are plenty of rooms though, so he supposes that Patrick is in one of them. He walks to the first door on his left, tugging at the handle, but moves on to another one when it's locked.

It's not until the third door on his right that it finally budges, and he peeks his head in, squinting his eyes at the dark room. A small, teary laugh that he recognizes as Patrick echoes in the room, and he enters, closing the door gently behind him. Padding over to Patrick, his eyes already adjusted to the dark, he immediately stops in his tracks when he sees Patrick's glistening eyes.

"You're here, Pete! I knew you'd come!" Patrick beams while hugging him by the waist. "I've never doubted you, Pete."

Brendon frowns in confusion. How can Patrick mistook him for Pete? Then again, Patrick does look a little agitated during the party, and in the dark, it's pretty hard to see clearly without any source of light. He places his fingers in Patrick's hair, stroking to get him to relax. When he reckons that Patrick has calmed down enough from the way his arms are loosened around his waist, he asks, "You okay?"

Patrick's body goes tense under him, and the older man pushes himself away from him, wiping his eyes before staring up at him. "Brendon?"

He starts to panic a little when Patrick's eyes begin to water. What could have caused Patrick to become like this?

The answer comes a second later, and it does nothing but ignite anger in his chest.

"Pete's here, right, Brendon?" Patrick's hopeful and tear-filled voice stabs a knife to his heart. "Is he looking for me? Did he ask you to look for me?"

His fingers curl into a ball of fist, jaws set tight. He's going to make sure Pete _pays_ for this. "Patrick…"

"He's here, right, Brendon? Please tell me he's here. Please."

When Patrick's voice cracks at the last word, he never thought he could be any more furious than he's ever been in his life. His fist is shaking by his side, knuckles turning white from the exertion, and he clenches his teeth together.

Pete _will_ pay for this.

He attempts to suppress his anger down before he accidentally lashes at Patrick; he can get them out later when no one's around. He wraps his arms around the older man and continues to stroke his hair. Making Patrick feel better is his only priority at the moment. He takes a deep breath, holds it in for a few seconds, and slowly exhales, murmuring, "Yeah. Pete was here, but he thought you'd already left, so he went back."

The stifled sobs and the tightened grip around his waist only add fuel to the ever-growing flame within him. How can Pete forget that the party is important to Patrick? _His own fucking husband?_  Patrick just busted his ass off days and nights to complete his album which got its Number 1 spot in the first week, and Pete has the fucking nerve to _not_ come and celebrate it with him?

Pete had better not disappeared off somewhere to spend his time with his boy toy during Patrick's celebration party, because if he is, Brendon swears on his life that not even Patrick himself can stop him from attacking Pete mercilessly.

"Hey, c'mon." Brendon wipes the stray tears from Patrick's face. "I'll send you home. What do you say?"

"I can't leave the party." Patrick mumbles, voice muffled by Brendon's shirt. Brendon pulls away from Patrick for a brief moment to sit down beside him, then tugs him back to his side so Patrick is resting his head on his shoulder.

"Don't worry, okay?" Brendon combs his fingers through Patrick's hair, fingertips caressing the scalp. "I'll take care of everything. Just get some rest."

When Patrick finally relaxes, his breathing slowed down and body falling lax, Brendon takes out his phone, calling Patrick's manager. It doesn't take long for Dave to answer, and when he does, his voice sounds frantic.

_"Brendon? Oh God, you haven't seen Patrick, have you? He's-"_

"Here with me." Brendon finishes his sentence before the manager has a heart attack. "He's not feeling well, actually. Is it okay if I take him home now?"

_"Is he okay? What happened?"_

"He's- um." Shit. What's he supposed to say? He can't exactly say _'His husband didn't come, so he's now having a panic attack'_ , can he? He looks down when he feels a light tug on his shirt, his eyebrows raised in silent _'What?'_

"Tell him it's stuff." Patrick whispers.

Puzzled, Brendon repeats the words into the receiver, and he's surprised at the response he gets.

_"Oh. Alright. Yeah, sure. Take him home. Make sure he's fine."_

"I- I will." He answers before the call ends, the air of confusion still clouding him. Does Patrick's manager know about Pete? He shakes his head, fingers still buried in the older man's hair, and calls his friend.

_"Bren? Where the hell are you?"_

"Dude, meet me at my car outside. We're leaving."

He hangs up quickly before Spencer has the chance to answer, then shoves his phone in his pocket. "Come on. Let's get the hell out of here."

They both manage to slip out to the parking lot undetected, and by the time they reach there, he lets Patrick rest in the passenger seat.

"Hey." Brendon calls him softly when Patrick seems like he's on the verge of falling asleep. "Give me your keys."

The sound of rattled keys fills the silence in the car, and Brendon wants to say something, anything, to chase the silence away, to make Patrick's troubles go away, but one glance at the strawberry blond's dull eyes glues his mouth shut.

It's not fair that Patrick gets treated like this. He remembers just how happy Patrick always looked whenever he talked about Pete, or whenever Pete's in the same room as him. In fact, just a mention of his name could make his eyes light up like no other.

Now, just a mere thought of Pete makes him seem like he's aged by a few years.

He rests his hand on Patrick's shoulder; a light touch to remind him that he's with him. His chest flutters and aches at the same time when Patrick relaxes into him, his eyes closed and shut from the world, stress wrinkles on his forehead slowly smoothing out.

God, he wishes he can just take Patrick away with him, because in the silence, in the dark, with no one else around but the two of them, Patrick looks calm for the first time.

Two consecutive knocks on the window jolt him out of his thoughts, and he rolls the window down to see Spencer looking worried and slightly out of breath. "Hey. What's up?"

He shakes his head, not answering his friend's question, and he hands over Patrick's car key to Spencer. "I'm driving Patrick home."

Spencer nods wordlessly, understanding the situation, and he walks to where Patrick's car is. Starting up the engine, he pulls out of the lot and waits until the sight of Spencer in Patrick's car appears in the rearview mirror.

He steals glances at the sleeping man beside him the entire ride home while keeping both his hands firmly on the steering wheel, not giving in to the temptation to place his hand over Patrick's upturned one.

-

_It's already lunch time, and after what happened at the cafeteria for the second time, Brendon knew he wouldn't find Patrick there. Knowing the older boy, he'd probably be somewhere quiet and where there weren't many people around._

_So, the band room._

_He stood in front of the door with a container of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that he prepared himself that morning (both his parents gave him a weird look for that, but they didn't say anything) and a bunch of brownies that his sister made in his hands. It's been a while since he last talked to the sophomore. Judging from how quick Patrick packed his bag after practice and left the room, he guessed that Patrick's still grounded. Still, that didn't mean they couldn't see each other during lunch._

_He held the container close to his chest, the vibration of his heartbeat travelling from his ribcage to the plastic item. No matter what, he's going to have lunch together with Patrick. He even packed extra for the sophomore. Taking a deep breath, he pushed the door open, feeling a sense of deja vu of when he first entered the room._

_The room was dark and peacefully yet eerily silent at the same time. No one was inside, and he began to think that Patrick wasn't inside as well. Well, there's still one place where he hadn't looked._

_The sound of his footsteps echoed against the walls and the floor as he made his way to the store room. Clutching the container tight as if a monster was going to jump at him, he peeked his head inside the small room, his stomach dropping when he saw no one. Not even a silhouette._

_His gaze dropped to the container in his hands, and he felt a small lump at the back of his throat. It's okay, he convinced himself. Maybe Patrick would be here the next day._

_It was like he'd forgotten the fact that he had been doing and telling himself the same thing for the past week._

-

Parking the car in the driveway, he pulls the key out of the ignition, taking slow breaths. His eyes flick to Patrick, who is still sleeping in the passenger's seat, though his forehead has started to wrinkle again from whatever's haunting him in his slumber.

He lifts his hand to wake Patrick up, but stops mid-air. Then, biting his lip, he tentatively rests his hand on Patrick's thigh, breath caught in his throat when Patrick shifts in his sleep before snoring softly again, the creases in his forehead disappearing.

God, can't he… can't he just run away with Patrick? Into a world where they can be together. Where they're not famous.

Where Pete doesn't exist.

Shaking his head, he squeezes Patrick's thigh lightly to wake him up, a small spark shooting up his spine from the action. "Patrick?"

Patrick's eyelids slowly flutter open, and the older man rubs his eyes before sitting straight, blinking and looking around blearily. Reluctantly, he pulls his hand from Patrick's thigh and unlocks the door. "We're here."

"Want me to stay with you?" He asks before neither of them opens the door. Patrick shakes his head, the motion slow and sluggish, and sighs. "It's okay."

They both get out of the car wordlessly, and as Patrick continues to walk up to the front steps, Spencer appears beside him with his car key in his hand. Brendon observes in silence as Patrick takes the key from him and drags his feet to the front door, arms wrapping around his own small frame.

His anger flares up again at the event that happened an hour prior.

He waits until Patrick disappears behind the door before marching to the passenger side of his car, no longer ignoring the burning sensation in his chest.

"Wait, am I driving?" Spencer asks cluelessly.

Brendon yanks the door open and gets inside, not looking and answering his friend. Spencer settles in the driver's seat before starting the car up again. "What happened back there?" He asks after pulling out of the driveway.

"What do you think?" Brendon mutters angrily with his arms crossed, and he leans his head against the window, glaring at the passing view. "Fucking Pete is what happened."

"What did he do?"

It takes him around a few seconds to realize that his jaws are grinding. "Did you even see who's missing at the party? I swear to God, if he's with his fucking boytoy-"

"What if he's not?" Spencer interrupts him. Brendon narrows his eyes at him, his anger doubling at the question. "Are you fucking _defending_ him?"

"No," Spencer says patiently. "I mean, you can't accuse him blindly. Maybe he's with his boytoy, maybe he's not. We don't know what happened."

He grits his teeth again. He can feel his body burning up from the intense fury inside. "What happened is that he fucking _ditched_ Patrick!"

"Maybe he for-"

" _There is no maybe!_ " He explodes as he turns his fiery gaze to his friend, finally letting everything out. "You didn't see what happened to him! You didn't hear how he fucking _cried!_ I had to lie to him! _I had to cover for Pete!_ "

His chest heaves as he catches his breath, and when he continues, his voice trembles with pure unadulterated and repressed rage. "So don't you fucking dare tell me that Pete forgot about tonight. Because he sure as fuck didn't."

"Look, man, you're my friend." Spencer finally says after a few heartbeats of silence. His voice is gentle and careful, like one wrong word can set his friend off again like a land mine. "I know you love him, and you want to help him, but trust me when I say this. You're in way over your head with this matter. You just let your emotions and your feelings for him got the better of you. No matter what happened between them, you need to keep in mind that _Patrick is married._ "

Clenching his fists, he returns back to glaring outside the window. He doesn't need the reminder.

"Shut the fuck up."

-

_It's not- it's not like he's hopelessly crushing over Patrick, no. Okay, he was. He liked the sophomore. He had feelings for him. But he's also worried about him, so that's why he stayed back after practice._

_Also because he couldn't erase the small flame of hope that Patrick might return back to the band room after he left._

_After practice was over and everyone filed out of the room leaving him alone (he didn't even get a chance to talk to Patrick), he went to the restroom after drinking about three bottles of water and holding it in for two hours. When he returned to the room, expecting Patrick to be there each time, he found someone else instead._

_"Brendon, wait!"_

_His feet seemed like they're glued to the floor in surprise. What's Pete doing in the room?_

_His hand was shaking around the doorknob, and he willed for his feet to move so he could run away from there._

_"Brendon, please, wait!" Pete pleaded, scrambling as he stood up. "I just want to talk."_

_He chewed on his bottom lip nervously as he remembered the words that Patrick told him a couple of weeks ago. "Non-band members aren't allowed in the room."_

_"I'll go out, but I need to talk to you. Please."_

_He figured Pete deserved a chance to talk about whatever it was that he wanted to talk. He could tell that the senior had a rough week as well. He nodded as an answer._

_Pete got out of the room before he began talking. "Bren-"_

_He quietly winced at his nickname._

_"-I'm sorry. I'm really sorry for what happened. Everything. I don't know why I did that. It was never my intention to hurt Patrick."_

_"But you did, though. Patrick was hurt really bad." He pointed out, both bluntly and accusingly, but he disguised them with a quiet voice. "Patrick was…"_

_He fiddled with his thumb. Was it okay to tell Pete about Patrick? Of course Patrick had changed after his fight with Gabe, but, maybe, if Pete talked to him, maybe he'd get Patrick to return back to his old self._

_Yeah, he's telling Pete._

_"Patrick became different. He doesn't talk to anyone, not even me. He's always making himself busy helping with band matters." Then, his voice cracked the slightest. "Pete, to be honest, the only time I see him is during practice. Not even during lunch."_

_"He…" He noticed that Pete had his eyes downcast, sad and remorse painting on his face. "Patrick doesn't stay for extra practice?"_

_He shook his head. "After he got called into the principal's office, they called his father. Patrick's been grounded ever since. He could only stay for practice."_

_Pete was quiet for a while, like he's thinking about what he said, and he bid him goodbye before walking away. Brendon fixed his gaze on the soccer captain's back._

_He could only hope that he did the right thing to get the old Patrick back._

-

He normally doesn't sleep late at night. The latest he'd gone to sleep was 12, maybe 1 in the morning, even when his schedule was empty for the rest of the day. Then again, he did just go to the stadium with Spencer to watch Dallon (and by extension, _Pete_ ) on the field, and the deafening cheer and the electrifying energy from the crowd when the team won is still buzzing within him.

Now that it's already three in the morning, his eyelids don't feel the slightest bit heavy, and he tries to shake off the excess energy by cleaning the house. He usually gets them out by working out, but he doubts that the gym is open at this hour.

Although, the energy drains quicker than it has ever been when he receives a phone call that night.

"Patrick?"

 _"H- Hey."_ He raises his eyebrow when he hears Patrick's voice. It's rough, like he has a sore throat or something. That in itself is pretty worrying, because Patrick always takes good care of his voice. _"Can I stay at your place?"_

Without even hesitating, he answers, "You don't even have to ask."

_"Thanks."_

The call ends there, and Brendon stands in the middle of the hallway, frowning. He knows something just happened to the older man. Something so bad that made Patrick call him at 3 in the morning asking if he can sleep at his house.

His hand forms into a tight fist automatically. _If Pete did to something to him again_ -

He takes a few deep breaths when his body begins to feel hot, and once he finally relaxes, he massages his jaw; sore from how hard he clenched them. He knows he shouldn't suppress his anger again, especially when his previous one is still blazing full force, and if he has to be honest, he's actually afraid to find out what's going to happen once he's reached his limits.

He pushes the matter to the back of his mind as he goes to prepare the guest room. Patrick arrives after twenty to thirty minutes, and when he opens the door, he masks his surprise at Patrick's red and puffy eyes and his tear-stained cheeks.

He can feel the telltale signs of wrath poking at him to get him to burst.

Stepping aside to make way for Patrick, he moves to take his bag from him. "I've prepared the guest room for you."

Patrick keeps quiet the entire time until they reach the guest room, and Brendon bites his the inside of his cheek to keep himself from asking the questions that has been bombarding his mind the second he saw Patrick in his front steps.

"Here's your room," he says softly when they enter, and he places the bag on the floor next to the bed. "Want me to get you anything? Water?"

His heart aches when Patrick shakes his head, still quiet, and lies down on the bed very gingerly and carefully. He bites his lip, worried. Sitting on the bed beside him, he rubs his hand gently on Patrick's back, not missing the quiet wince and the way the body instantly stiffens from the other.

"You wanna talk about it?" He asks. When he doesn't receive an answer, he continues. "It's okay if you don't want to. Get some rest, okay? I'll check on you again later."

He pats him before leaving the room, closing the door gently behind him. He doesn't leave straight away; he stays outside the room instead, his chest twisting and back of his eyelids burning when he hears Patrick's quiet cries through the door.

_"It hurts, Brendon."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting to the good part! Hopefully I'll be able to update this regularly.
> 
> Also @barelyrachaelll, if you're reading this, I'm still working on the YouTube AU, but I keep getting sidetracked with new ideas so you gotta keep me in line aight
> 
> Leave some comments! (and you have my permission to spam me if I don't update this for more than two months)


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